Pizza parlor owner throws pizza party to improve employee morale

AURORA, Colo. – The owner of a local pizza parlor decided to throw a pizza party for his employees this past week after learning it’s the number one thing major corporations do to improve employee morale and increase retention at a leadership conference in Denver.

Dan Victorino, owner of Saucy Dude’s Pizza Parlor, said listening to some of the country’s biggest executives talk about how they improve workplace atmosphere was an enlightening experience and he feels like he walked away from the conference with a new understanding of how to lead his business like a billionaire.

“You know, I half expected this big shot CEOs to say they helped their employees by giving them pay raises or increased benefits,” said Victorino. “But the fact these guys are so in tune with their employees’ needs that they knew something as simple as a pizza party could build camaraderie and boost overall morale and productivity was incredible. It was like a lightbulb went off.”

Victorino also said that pizza was such a simple and obvious solution as a pizza shop owner. On Monday morning, he gathered all his employees to tell them he had an exciting announcement to make Friday afternoon. That entire week, the restaurant was buzzing in anticipation for what the news might be.

“The ovens have been acting up recently and the linoleum floors in the dining room are starting to crack and fade,” said Steven Branson, Saucy Dude’s head chef. “We left a lot of comments in Dan’s suggestion box he installed outside his office. My first thought was that the restaurant was finally going to get the updates it so desperately needs.”

We investigated this suggestion box and can confirm it is stuffed to the brim with faded, folded sheets of paper we presume contain employee suggestions for improvements around the store.

“That? Oh, I stopped reading those after I discovered people’s suggestions made me feel like they didn’t think I was a good boss,” said Victorino. “I am though. A good boss, that is.”

On Friday morning, Victorino had the employees come in 30 minutes early. The six members of Saucy Dude’s staff waited anxiously outside the back door, near the dumpster that smells like old farts and grease, for Dan to open the doors and make his announcement.

“I was really excited to see the looks on their faces,” said Victorino. “They’re a great group of kids who help make me a lot of money. I’m really appreciative of all that they do.”

But when he finally opened the kitchen door and all the employees found were three medium two-topping pizzas and the words “thank you” written on the inside cover of the pizza box, the employees admit they felt a little let down.

“I make our dough, make the pies, cook the pies, cut the pies, and serve the pies,” said Branson. “The very last thing I ever want from my employer is a pizza party. We couldn’t even clock in when we got there, we had to wait until our shifts officially started.”

“I get paid $7.25 an hour and I don’t get enough hours to be considered full-time so I can’t get benefits,” said Sarah Long, a cashier. “He didn’t even give us Saucy Dude’s pizza; we had a delivery from Domino’s down the street. I hate this place so much.”

One employee, Mike Hanson, an 18-year-old high school student, quit on the spot as soon as he saw the pizzas.

“I was really disappointed in Mike,” said Victorino. “I know we could’ve made our own pizzas, but Domino’s Mix and Match deal for $6.99 is way too good to pass up. I don’t really care that he quit, even if I don’t agree with his reasoning, but he could’ve been more respectful of his coworkers and given his two-week’s notice. Now they’re all going to have to work even harder to pick up his slack.”

When asked if his employees would get any additional pay or benefits for the additional work they’ll endure after Mike’s hasty departure, Victorino simply said, “no.”

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