Teen hospitalized after being bit by radioactive spider

FOREST HILLS, New York – A Forest Hills High School student is in stable condition at Flushing Hospital Medical Center after allegedly being bitten by a spider that was exposed to a particle beam while visiting a public exhibition of new breakthroughs in radiation manipulation and genetics.

The student, 15, was watching a demonstration of Oscorp Technologies’ latest particle beam technology when he felt a sharp pinch on his right hand. According to witnesses, he asked an EMT for something to help the swelling and pain but after a quick examination, the first responder only suggested he put some ice on it and rest.

The student was later found unconscious in an alleyway covered in a sticky white substance that closely resembled a spider’s web and rushed to the hospital for examination. According to doctors, the teen assumed the spider bite would provide him with supernatural powers and leapt from a building only to discover the laws of physics still applied.

“We did our due diligence and ran every possible test our patient’s insurance would allow, plus a few more,” said Dr. Jeffrey Jones, head of neurology at Flushing Hospital Medical Center. “But it seems mutant powers are still just a piece of fiction from the comic books. I’ll be honest, I’m just as disappointed as you are about this one.”

The student’s aunt said the boy had become reclusive in the past several weeks following the death of his uncle, who was killed in an ongoing homicide investigation.”

“I was so excited he wanted to get out of his room to go to the exhibition,” said May Parker, the boy’s aunt and primary caretaker. “He stopped coming down for breakfast and dinner, he was always lost in one of his books, and he wasn’t returning any of his friend’s phone calls since my husband’s death.”

An investigation has been launched into Oscorp to determine whether or not the particle beam technology could’ve radiated or contaminated the spider in any way that would’ve caused such an adverse reaction to its bite.

Oscorp and its CEO, Norman Osborne is, of course, no stranger to controversy. The tech and chemical giant has a history of doing unsavory business with mobsters like “Fancy” Dan Brito and Raymond Bloch, also known as The Ox. It also has an arguably unwelcome past dealing with genetic enhancements and alleged involvement in anti-superhero research.

“We’re talking about a teeny, tiny spider that may, or may not, have been exposed to my company’s technology,” said Osborn. “What do you want me to say? The kid will get superpowers? No. That’s fantasy. That’s not the way the world works. The most likely situation is this: he’ll recover just fine and be back in school before we know it.”

Of course, if the police’s investigation does discover that Oscorp’s technology was responsible for irradiating the spider and/or causing the student’s medical emergency, the company may he held liable in a civil court.

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