Traffic delayed by indecisive chicken crossing the road

BISMARCK, N.D. – Commuters experienced higher-than-normal traffic this morning thanks to an indecisive chicken crossing the road.

The wayward foul first wandered out into the intersection of Main Ave and 9th street at 8:30 a.m., just prior to the start of the morning commute, leaving many people flustered by the continued delay.

“I actually left on time for once this morning and was feeling pretty good, only to turn the corner to find bumper-to-bumper traffic as far as the eye could see,” said Peter Gavin, a cashier at Whole Foods. “I haven’t had any coffee yet and I already feel like this day is ruined. My boss is going to be pissed.”

Some drivers initially stopped and got out of their cars to try and help move the chicken along, but only succeeded in spooking the creature, making it even more erratic and confused on which way to go. After several attempts to clear the road, the city called in experts to assess the situation and provide guidance on the appropriate next steps to clear the animal safely.

“You may be asking yourself ‘why did the chicken cross the road’, but the truth of the matter is we won’t have enough data to extrapolate an answer until the crossing is complete,” said Alex Handler, the city of Bismarck’s resident zoologist. “We’re currently looking at all possibilities, to include tranquilizers and lethal force, but those are what we call ‘last resorts’. Obviously, we’d like to see this situation resolve itself peacefully.”

Surprisingly, this isn’t the first time the city has been crippled by the indecisiveness of these farm animals. In 2002, a rooster managed to lock itself in the city’s emergency operation center and initiated the statewide emergency broadcast system—overtaking every television and radio station—and cock-a-doodle-do’d for fourteen hours straight.

Governor Doug Burgum has been briefed and is closely monitoring the situation, according to his office.

“Right now, we’re simply watching closely and going over the options at our disposal,” said Kim Cummings, Burgum’s press secretary. “We’ve reached out to all our state agencies, including the National Guard, to come up with a plan should the situation not resolve itself naturally.”

This is an ongoing story. Make sure to follow us to stay up-to-date.

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