Army recruiters: free Travis Kelce haircut with each enlistment

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – Local Army recruiters are capitalizing on the Travis Kelce-Taylor Swift romance whirlwind by offering FREE haircuts similar to the football star’s signature fade when they enlist.

Local barbers have been bombarded by new and returning clients looking for the “Kelce Fade” ever since the tight end and pop singer made their relationship public last summer.

“My wife loves Taylor Swift and she’s been getting more and more interested in watching football with me ever since she started dating Kelce. It’s been great for our relationship,” said Micah Woods, a lifelong Chiefs’ fan. “She said she thought I’d look sexy with a Kecle Fade, so I went down to my local recruiter and signed a six-year contract to join the infantry. I ship out to basic training at the end of February, right after the Chiefs crush the 49ers in the Superbowl.”

It’s no secret the military has been struggling with recruitment the last few years, forcing recruiters to get creative for finding credible leads and getting them to join the force.

“I told all my recruiters that no idea was too dumb, but I never expected people to be so narrow-sighted that they’d enlist for a simple haircut,” said Army Lt. Col. Stephen Umbridge, commander of Kansas Army recruiting battalion. “We don’t even have to pitch monetary bonuses to these guys, we just say ‘Kelce Fade’ and they sign on the dotted line. Normally, we’d have to get a waiver for this level of stupidity, but recruitment numbers are so bad that the DOD gave us a blanket level of authority to sign these guys up.”

There have been misconceptions circling around the internet that Kelce invented the fade-style haircut, which many Swifties believe showcases a level of ingenuity they believe is one of the reasons Kelce and Swift are a perfect match for each other.

“Taylor thinks of everything, she’s a genius,” said Brittany Woods, wife of Micah Woods. “So the fact she’s dating someone who is just as clever and ingenious as she is just proves that Travis isn’t like any of those other guys Tay-Tay was misguided into dating.”

Of course, Kelce didn’t invent the fade haircut. In fact, the military has been giving a similar haircut, which they affectionately refer to as a “high-and-tight”, to recruits for decades.

“I’m not going to tell them that,” said Umbridge. “The high-and-tight has been a staple of disgruntled senior enlisted soldiers who’re going through a bitter divorce ever since Patton led G.I.s across Northern Africa in ’42. It’s not my fault these guy obsessed with a pop singer’s boyfriend don’t know their military history.”

If you’re interested in getting your FREE Kelce Fade haircut, please contact an Army recruiter today.

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