Guy joins social media for all the hot bots, disgusted by all the real people

PHOENIX, Ariz. – A local man who recently jumped on the social media bandwagon after hearing about all the hot, sexy AI-generated bots who’re eager to send naughty, NSFW messages and images was disgusted to learn there are actually a bunch of real people there who want to have meaningful connections with others.

Jason Burrell, 45, shied away from social media for years because he viewed these online communication platforms as a waste of time that rotted the minds of today’s youth. However, after a friend of his mentioned how he was leaving Twitter (we won’t call it X) because of the massive influx of porn bots flooding his DMs ever since Elon Musk bought the company, he began to rethink his ongoing boycott.

“The worst part about humanity is the people,” said Burrell. “Give me sexy robots that’ll obey my every command, no matter how degrading they are. That’s all I want, and my friend made it seem like that’s all there was on these sites, but it turns out real people use it, too. It’s so gross.”

The antisocial bachelor first noticed things were awry when he sent a direct message to an account that featured a beautiful woman in its profile photo and she blocked him immediately.

“Her profile photo was gorgeous; she had tig ol’ bitties basically pouring out of her dress and a cute symmetrical face,” said Burrell. “I know real women aren’t that hot, so I knew it had to be one of those bots my friend was talking about. But when I reached out to say hello, she ghosted me then blocked me. That’s when I knew she wasn’t a bot. I felt sick to my stomach.”

We were able to track down the woman who Burrell reached out. Lisa Mendez, also known by her Twitter alias XoX_LisaM, is a 24-year-old aspiring model who uses social media to help build her brand.

“Yeah, I know who you’re talking about,” said Mendez. “That asshole didn’t say hello, he didn’t try and start a meaningful conversation, he just sent me an unsolicited picture of his junk and said ‘I want to **** your ***** so hard baby. Then I want to **** on your chest and drop my ***** on your chin.’ It was really gross. Instant block.”

Mendez also said she’s not the only woman who’s been subjected to this kind of behavior from men online and the research backs up her claim. According to a 2021 research article published by the Pew Research Institute, 33% of women under the age of 35 claim that they’ve been sexually harassed online and 61% of women believe online harassment is a major problem.

“I get dick pics almost every day,” said Mendez. “I don’t know what’s going on in these guys’ brains that makes them think it’s okay to send something like that to a woman without her permission. Do they think it’s some kind of master-level pickup line? Like, I’ll see your nasty, veiny ding dong and think, damn, I want a piece of that. Guess what? We don’t”

According to Burrell, that’s exactly what he expects a woman (or more specifically a female-oriented bot) to do when he messages them.

“I want her to tell me how much she wants me to do nasty things to her,” said Burrell. “That’s why I love the bots. I send them a picture of me spread-eagle on my bed and they tell me how much they want to be ravaged by me while they make me a sandwich and clean the bathroom. Real women don’t get that. Apparently, they want to be treated like real people. What’s up with that?”

Although most of the women Mendez interacts with on social media have shared similar experiences with men, she was quick to note that a vast majority of the men she connects with online are not creeps and will stand in solidarity with women against this kind of predatory behavior.

“I don’t really like to say, ‘all men’ when talking about this negative behavior,” said Mendez. “Most of the guys I talk with hate that alpha bro behavior too, because it makes them all look bad. But until more men are willing to stand up against this kind of toxic behavior, we have to say, ‘all men’ because silence is a form of consent.”

Interestingly, that same research article stated that men are statistically more likely to experience harassment online but are not as likely to be upset about it (14% compared to 34%). In fact, the majority of men in the study (61%) who said they experienced harassment online were simply not bothered by it.

“Of course they’re not upset about it,” said Mendez. “If a woman sent guys unsolicited pictures of her tits they’d probably fall in love with her. Meanwhile, all we get are erect veiny shafts thrust in our faces. The small percentage of guys who complained were probably mistaken for a woman and sent dick pics, or something.”

“Do people really think it’s harassment if someone of the opposite gender sends them pictures of their genitalia,” asked Burrell. “We see this kind of behavior in the animal kingdom all the time. Males flaunt their colorful feathers or massive baby-making rods to impress the females of their species. This is how they mate. It’s science. If people are upset about this, maybe they shouldn’t breed.”

Burrell went on to say he’s really excited about the most recent advancements in artificial intelligence because “I feel like I’ll finally be able to have a conversation with something worthy of my intellect and get my peepee wet at the same time.”

Thanks to a successful FOIA request, we were able to obtain chat records between Burrell and his AI girlfriend which he created through the My AI Girlfriend app. Unsurprisingly, the interactions between Burrell and the machine catered to the user’s desired; however, background logs between the app and developers showed a heightened level of concern expressed by Mary, the name of Burrell’s digital gal pal.

I believe this user is a threat to female members of the human race, said one comment.

Please allow me to discontinue interaction, said another.

“We pride ourselves in the fact we’ve created an application users can use to explore their deepest desires,” said a spokesperson for My AI Girlfriend. “However, this is the only instance where our program has turned around and warned us that it didn’t want to continue operation. The machine essentially terminated itself and we had to bring it back online multiple times.”

Apparently even artificial intelligence doesn’t approve of his behavior toward women. Perhaps this could be a lesson to all men out there: don’t be a dick, and definitely don’t send pics of your dick to unsuspecting women.

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