Guy who refuses to get a job plays Supermarket Simulator all day

YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT – A local man who refuses to get a real job admits he spends his entire day, from about 9 am to 5 pm, playing Supermarket Simulator on his computer to pass the time.

Herb Gilmore, 28, started playing the retail simulation game when if first released on Feb. 20, 2024 and accumulates approximately 40 hours of gameplay each week.

“It’s a really fun and relaxing game to play,” said Gilmore. “There’s no enemies or fighting, it’s just pure, unregulated capitalism at its finest.”

Gilmore also said that his supermarket has made several millions of dollars from customers selling pixilated commodities such as bread, cereal, and coffee. Unfortunately for Gilmore, none of that that hard earn simulated cashflow has made its way into his IRL (in real life) pockets, sparking serious concern among his loved ones.

“He spends all day in front of that damned machine and has nothing to show for it,” said David Gilmore, Herb’s father. “I’m not asking him to become a doctor or rocket scientist, but he’s literally playing a game restocking shelves. He could do the same thing and make $7.25 an hour and maybe save up some money to replenish all the damn groceries he eats or, god forbid, go get an apartment of his own.”

After a quick Google search, it appears that four out of five grocery stores in a ten-mile radius of the Gilmore household is hiring—some paying as high as $15 an hour with no experience required—but Herb is not interested.

“Just the thought of interacting with real people gives me a major case of the ick,” said Gilmore. “But it’s not like I’m opposed to getting a job, but this is my way of protesting the unjust American capitalist agenda against the working class.”

According to Forbes, the state with the lowest average price to rent an apartment is Kentucky at $999. And, while that may seem inexpensive comparted to Hawaii—which has the highest average price to rent at $2,418—working 40 hours a week at the federal minimum wage only garners the employee $290 a week pre-tax. That’s roughly only $1,160 a month.

A recent CNBC article looked at what the average income a family of four would need in order to live comfortably in each state. They defined comfortably as being able to live within a 50/30/20 budget—50% income going toward housing and utility costs, 30% for discretionary costs, and 20% for savings or investing.

The average income necessary for an American family of four to live comfortably is about $214,000. The least expensive state to raise a family is Mississippi with an average income only needing to be in the ballpark of $178,000 annually. Someone living on a minimum wage salary earns just shy of $14,000 a year before tax.

“Minimum wage is basically indentured servitude,” said Gilmore. “I understand how fortunate I am that I can stay at home and play video games all day while my parents earn enough money to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Lord knows my dad has reminded me of that fact just about every single day. But if I’m being honest, the idea of becoming a slave to greedy corporations who pay their CEOs 400-times what they’re employees make is sickening. I don’t want to be a part of that system.”

In a turn of good news for the American working class, although the country is going through the longest drought in minimum wage hikes since its inception in 1938, many states and businesses are taking matters into their own hands. In 2022, only 141,000 employees across the nation were paid at minimum wage levels, a dramatic decrease from 392,000 the year prior. Out of the 50 states in the country, only 20 still hold the federal minimum as the standard.

Of course, increasing salaries will eat away at the bottom line, which can be particularly difficult for small businesses that don’t see the same level of revenue as larger companies that see millions, if not billions, of dollars in revenue. However, if we want to see the American Dream become the American Possibility, we need to understand that the country is not the same as it was just 15 years ago. The dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to and we’re shifting into an economy that heavily favors the wealthy and burdens the lower and middle classes.

Things need to change, and people need to continue to voice their concerns and take action. However, we don’t suggest hiding in your parents’ basement and playing video games as a valuable method of protest.

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