IRVING, Texas – Chuck E. Cheese, the famous purveyor of cardboard-like pizza and childhood illness-producing ball pits, has announced it’s giving the axe to Munch’s Make Believe Band, the restaurant’s resident headlining act since 1977.

Mr. Cheese admitted the company’s abrupt decision to eliminate the band’s residency came as a shock and was not a mutual decision. However, he also admitted the termination may just be the motivation the band needed to revamp the trajectory of its career.

“I think we’d become pretty complacent,” said Cheese. “I can’t even tell you how many shows we’ve done over the past five decades, but it was a lot. Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts, but maybe this was the wakeup call that we needed. Perhaps it’s time to dust off our tour bus and hit the road.”

Chuck E. Cheese CEO David McKillips says the decision to fire the band wasn’t meant to be a personal attack on any of the band’s members, but rather a business decision to help bring the restaurant into the 21st century.

“Kids are consuming entertainment differently than they were 10, 20 years ago,” said McKillips in an interview with the New York Times. “Kids, really of all ages, are consuming their entertainment on a screen.”

Following the band’s final performance, the historic theater that played host to countless birthday parties will be replaced with giant television screens to broadcast dopamine-inducing videos meant to influence young patrons into purchasing tokens for Skee-Ball.

“It’s a sad day when kids would rather be glued to a screen than watch a live performance of their favorite musical band,” said Jasper T. Jowls, the band’s lead guitarist. “I don’t wish anyone ill will, but part of me hopes this decision sinks the company. Their pizza sucks, anyway.”

With their schedule abruptly wide open, the band has begun the search to book new gigs, an overwhelming task for a group that hasn’t played on the road in nearly fifty years.

“It was a bit of a wake up call,” said Helen Henny, the band’s backup vocalist. “I think we took our audience for granted. It’s not every day a band can fill a room full of screaming children and their parents with hard earned cash and credit cards.”

After months of playing back-alley dive bars and birthday parties, the band started questioning whether or not an old rat and his band had what it needed to remain relevant in this new world of streaming and social media. However, just when all seemed lost, a single phone call changed everything.

“We were having some real serious conversations about how long we could keep this up,” said Cheese. “As it turns out, nostalgia isn’t enough to keep an old rat and his friends’ band together. But then I got a call from our agent who said he’d booked us a slot on lollapalooza. I couldn’t believe it. That was the spark we needed.”

Lollapalooza is an annual American four-day music festival held in Grant Park in Chicago. It originally started as a touring event in 1991, but several years later, Chicago became its permanent location. This year’s concert is scheduled from Aug. 1-4.

At this time, Munch’s Make Believe Band is scheduled to perform a set after Brigitte Calls Me Baby in the lead up to the day’s headliner, Blink-182. While the band is very optimistic about this show, fans of Lollapalooza are not as thrilled.

“Wait, that creepy rat band is playing this year? Gross.” said Melody Gerber, a diehard Black Tiger Sex Machine fan. “That rat used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid. I’m not surprised Chuck E. Cheese fired them. It should’ve been done years ago. You know what? This sucks. I don’t know if I want to go this year. I don’t need to relive that trauma.”

Gerber isn’t alone in this thought. Several former children have expressed their concern about the band’s appearance in this year’s show. The Lollapalooza organizers have acknowledged the fans’ concerns but at this time doesn’t have a plan to remove Munch’s Make Believe Band from the lineup.

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