PIERRE, S.D. – In what many have called a “gross overreach of power,” and “an attack on women’s rights”, a local woman has been arrested after it was discovered that she aborted her affiliation with the political party she’d been registered with for the past fifteen years.

Patricia O’Leary, was arrested early this morning by local authorities after a concerned male neighbor reported her recent Facebook status update which indicated she’d left the political party in favor of being a registered independent voter.

“This is an abhorrent assault on my client’s rights,” said Franklin DelRosiario, O’Leary’s lawyer. “America is supposed to be the land of the free, but fact of the matter is people’s rights are being stripped away by the power-hungry elite in power. How people identify politically is a personal issue and not one the government should be digging their dirty little claws into.”

According to her official statement, O’Leary has been affiliated with the party ever since she first became eligible on her eighteenth birthday but felt the party’s values have drifted away from her best interests, as a woman particularly, over the past few years.

And while most people around the country are rallying around O’Leary with hashtags like #FreePatricia trending on social media, a small group of very loud men have expressed how insecure they are in their masculinity by attempting to mansplain how this is all her fault.

“America is a country of principles, like shooting big guns, hating commies and scientists, and men knowing what’s best for women,” said Peter Gibson, an oblivious misogynist. “And at the very center of all that is your political affiliation. Get rid of that before it becomes your entire personality and you’re basically a no good, red-nosed commie. And there’s nothing worse than a red-nosed commie with a uterus.”

Governor Kristi Noem, fresh off her latest scandal for killing her own dog, said she can’t be bothered with trying to defend another woman for the mistakes she’s made.

“You think I haven’t thought about aborting my political affiliation?” asked Noem. “Of course I have. Think about how much easier life would be if we could think for ourselves and not have to play these fuck-fuck games that these old white dudes make us play. But I won’t do that because abortion is murder, or so my talking points tell me.”

South Dakota has one of the toughest anti-abortion laws in the country, with abortion completely outlawed with no exception. While most lawmakers assumed this pertained to situations of underage pregnancy and rape, few noticed the loophole that included a complete ban on aborting a person’s political party.

“Yeah, I didn’t actually read the bill, I just saw the word ‘abortion’ and knew I was supposed to support the ban of it,” said South Dakota State Senator Bill Newton. “But when I heard about Ms. O’Leary I actually went back and read it. Thankfully, it doesn’t apply to men, so I can do what I want. Not that I’d abort my political party, because that’s wrong.”

As of right now, there’s no court date set for O’Leary to be tried by a jury of her peers for her supposed infractions. However, our sources close to the situation say the prosecution is waiting for the public outcry to dwindle to manageable levels before moving forward and are prepared to wait months, if not years, before a trial date is set.

In the meantime, women from other states are offering to let women from South Dakota come to their homes to help them abort their political affiliation from the safety of a state that allows women this simple freedom of choice.

At this time, the South Dakota government is not making any plans to actively pursue these women who opt to go out of state to abort their political party but promise to prosecute with the full weight of the law if they’re discovered making these plans within state borders.

Want more Alpine 6 Action News? Sign up for the Alpine 6 Action News newsletter, join our Discord server, or subscribe to our Patreon and never miss another article!