What America’s toddlers think of Biden and Trump

With most Americans blinded by their political affiliation, ready to jump on the proverbial grenade to defend their geriatric presidential candidate of choice, we decided to ask the only demographic of American citizen who is unafraid to give us their candid feelings about President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump: the toddlers.

About Biden

The Biden campaign is scrambling after the president severely faltered at the first debate of the election season against former President Trump. Despite assuring his followers and fellow Democrats that he has no intention of dropping out of the race, his lackluster appearance at the debate has left many on the left wondering if he has what it takes to defeat the 34-time convicted felon to remain in the White House. Let’s see what the toddlers have to say.

I think that old man needs a nap.
– Dominic Cole, 4

He reminds me of my grandpa. My grandpa is in heaven.
– Sarah Smith, 3

Sometimes I do doo doo in my diaper, too. That’s okay. Accidents happen.
– Aiden Dormer, 2

He has lived well beyond the average life span of a male in America. I think it’s high time these senior citizens step aside and retire from public service and allow someone who’ll have to live with the decisions made in Washington to take over.
– Christian Diaz, 2

About Trump

Most Americans and political pundits believe Trump actually won the recent presidential debate against his 81-year-old mumbling opponent despite it being well documented by third-party fact checkers that the majority of what he said during the debate were lies. This was good news for the convicted felon and known acquaintance of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, as it appears most Americans are willing to accept what he says at face value, despite a plethora of video evidence suggesting the opposite. But let’s see what the toddlers have to say about the presidential hopeful.

That man looks like a Cheeto. Mommy says Cheetos are bad for me.
– Ryan Purnell, 4

Stranger danger!
– Dan Finch, 4

He talks like my silly imaginary friend Daphne the Unicorn. She lives in a trash can and says things that doesn’t makes sense.
– Becky Carmichael, 2

It doesn’t take an epidemiologist to understand that this guy is a disease. He’s a criminal. He surrounds himself by criminals. He’s a pathological liar and a sore loser. And the sad part is that if he were re-elected, he could wipe his ass with the Constitution and his brain-washed devotees would cheer him on as he does it.
– Timmy Pickles, 2

The toddlers have spoken. But will these words from America’s most unapologetically honest demographic sway the vote? Only time will tell.

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