10 games to make the Olympics 100% better

We’ve been watching the Paris Olympics and, for the most part, have been absolutely thrilled by the athleticism and grace these athletes have brought to the world stage. That being said, we’ve also found ourselves sitting on our couch with a whiskey in one hand a Taco Bell crunch wrap supreme in the other thinking, ‘how is this an Olympic sport.

So, in our inebriated stupor, we’ve come up with a list of sports we think need to make their way into (or back into) the Olympics.

Tug-of-war

The tug-of-war was a summer Olympics game from 1900-1920 and we’re not sure why they abandoned it. Not only is it a great team sport, but it’s also physically demanding and requires more mental fortitude than most people realize. Plus, it’s a game everyone has played which makes it appealing to the average viewer—unlike the steeplechase, what the hell is that?

Pistol Dueling

Pistol dueling was an Olympic sport in 1906 and 1908. Granted, we understand the idea of shooting another athlete may not come across as the most tasteful idea, especially given our nation’s love of gun violence, but here us out. We have simulation rounds and protective gear to make this completely safe. Then, athletes duel as tradition dictates, stand back-to-back, walk 30 paces, turn and shoot. If you think Turkey’s Yusuf Dikeç is viral meme worthy, just imagine what we could get from dueling.

Home Run Derby

We love baseball here at Alpine 6 Action News, but let’s be honest, it’s not the most thrilling sport … which is probably why it had such a short lifespan in the Olympics. But what if we took the best part of baseball, the home run, and made that an Olympics sport? Just bomb after bomb after bomb. It’s a perfect addition in our opinion.

Beer Pong

Watching professional athletes compete in competition is great, but at the end of the day we often feel like the average person can’t connect with what some of these athletes achieve. A 9.5 second 100-meter dash, cool. Is that fast? I don’t know. I’m American, what the hell is a meter? But you know what I can relate with? Beer pong. Plus, it’s a game we can all play while watching the Olympics. Viewer participation. In other words, a win-win.

Dodgeball

Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge. This is another sport we’ve all played whether in elementary school or a beer league. The rules are simple, it’s relatable, and if the movie Dodgeball taught us anything, it’s that the sport can be intense, romantic, and a melting pot for underdogs to become champions.

H.O.R.S.E.

No offense to LeBron James and the rest of Team U.S.A., but we can watch the NBA whenever we want. Sure, there can be some intense moments toward the end of a game, but if the peak moments of your sport can be summarized with a highlight clip from the last five minutes, perhaps it’s time to bring something more meme-worthy to the games. H.O.R.S.E. offers great viral clip opportunities with trick shots and the competitions are relatively short compared to a full basketball game.

Rock-Paper-Scissors

Imagine the memes that could come from professional rock-paper-scissors. The intense stares, the dramatic pauses between rounds, and the mental games it takes to anticipate your opponent’s next move. We can already feel ourselves creeping to the edge of our seats.

Red Light, Green Light

A childhood classic reimagined for adults in Netflix’s hit dystopian survival thriller, Squid Games. Granted, we’re not suggesting anyone gets murdered if they move on red, but can you imagine how intense a giant game of red light, green light between adults from around the world would be. We’re here for this 100-percent.

Capture the Flag

Another childhood classic that would be an incredible addition to the summer Olympics. Team sports have always been a prime source for international rivalry (i.e. the Miracle on Ice hockey game) and great content. Capture the flag is a game that everyone around the world understands, has most likely participated in at some point in their life, and would provide a nostalgic connection to the games unlike most traditional games.

Eating Competition

Our biggest gripe about the Olympics is that most people don’t have really good comprehension about how much skill and talent it takes to compete. Like, okay fine, Usain Bolt is a really fast runner but unless I’ve ever tried to sprint 1,000 meters (which I haven’t) then fast is just a relative term. But show me someone who can crush 50 hotdogs in a minute or a Buffalo Wild Wings stockroom’s worth of hotwings in 5 minutes and that’s something I can relate to on a personal level.

The Random All-Around

Okay, this one is a little different than the others on the list. In the current Olympic games format, each athlete specializes in a sport and, sometimes, an event. For example, Simone Biles is a gymnast, Katie Ledecky is a swimmer, and Noah Lyles is a runner. But image a competition where athletes had to compete in five random events, and they didn’t know which events those were until competition day. They might have a 100m swim followed by a pommel horse routine, then speed climbing, followed by pistol shooting, and finish with a javelin throw. This could really show us who the best all-around athletes are … or create a hilarious spectacle we’ll be talking about for years.

What do you think of our new Olympics? Would you watch? What would you add to the list? Let us know in the comments!

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