Predictive text accurately details date, time, location of man’s death

BALTIMORE – A local area man was shocked to discover that a text message he typed out using his phone’s predictive text suggestions resulted in an eerie message that supposedly gave a very accurate description of the date, time, and location of his death.

Raphael Sanchez, 24, was nonchalantly typing a response to his girlfriend’s text message about where they wanted to go out for dinner to celebrate their two-year anniversary and noticed the cryptic message only after he hit the send button.

“I was playing some Sea of Thieves with my boys, so I wasn’t really looking at my phone,” said Sanchez. “My girl and I text all the time while we’re both doing other things, so we rely on predictive text to help us remain focused on what we’re doing. Ninety-nine percent of the time the phone knows exactly what we’re trying to say and does a good job.”

But this time, the phone sent something that read more like a warning than suggestion for a romantic evening.

“I wanted to tell her that I’ve been wanting to take her to the new Italian restaurant down by the waterfront and that my boy Joey, who’s a dishwasher there, could get us hooked up with a reservation,” said Sanchez. “Instead, my phone typed You will die a most painful death at the hands of someone I love on August 16th on the docks near the aquarium and my lifeless body will be cast into the sea to be consumed by the waves. That isn’t even close to what I wanted to say. Fucking iPhone.”

And while it could be easy enough to dismiss this message as a technological SNAFU, or case of “fat fingers” tapping the wrong word, sending the predictive text suggestions down an unintended path, the message has still raddled Sanchez and those close to him.

“August 16th is our anniversary and I wanted to take my boo down to that restaurant near the docks,” said Sanchez. “I feel like this is something that would happen in a B-rate made-for-TV SyFy Channel original movie, but seeing it happen IRL, man, I’ve got the chills for real, for real.”

All of Sanchez’ family lives out of state so it’s unlikely the potentially prophetic text was in reference to any of them, so we met up with his girlfriend Maria Esposito, who we found cleaning a handgun and sharpening a large kitchen knife in a shed behind the couple’s home.

“Yeah, I saw his text message,” she said. “If his cheating ass thinks he can threaten my life after I stayed by his side when he got that little slut Sheila knocked up, he’s got another thing coming.”

According to reports, Sanchez was having a longtime affair with Esposito’s former best friend Sheila McIntosh, which resulted in an unexpected pregnancy. Although she and Sanchez initially split following the discovery of the bastard fetus, the couple talked it through and decided to give their relationship another chance.

“We’ve been through thick and thin together,” said Espinosa. “We’re human and make mistakes. Plus, Sheila’s a fuckin’ slut so I can’t completely blame Raph ’cause I know that ho was probably all over my man when I wasn’t lookin’ just waiting for him to have a moment of weakness.”

When confronted with Sanchez’s side of the story, Espinosa seemed wary of the idea the message wasn’t sent in error.

“You telling me that asshole was more invested in his video games than texting with me?” Espinosa said. “Mmmm hmmm, we’ll see how well that excuse plays out for him.”

We asked Sanchez if he plans of altering any of his plans in the wake of this cryptic warning, but he said he wasn’t, and that life is too short to be afraid of what life has in store for us.

“If it’s my time go, then it’s my time to go, I ain’t got no regrets,” Sanchez said. “But I’m not going to live my life like a coward because my phone did some weird shit. Can you imagine living like that?”

So, was this predictive text a strange coincidence, or divine intervention? We’ll know in two-days time on August 16th.

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