Local mom finds the source of that awful smell

MINIVAN BACKSEAT – A local mother was both relieved and horrified to discover the source of an awful smell that had been terrorizing her family for the past several weeks.

Dolores McArthur, 42, was rummaging through the mountains of toys, trash, and miscellaneous household items her children left in the backseat of her minivan when she overturned her youngest son’s Paw Patrol blanket and found a small paper bag of unknown origin.

“As soon as I saw that bag, I was assaulted with a haymaker to the nostrils by whatever was inside it,” said McArthur. “I knew instantly that that bag was the source of my fear toward getting into my car and uncontrollable dry heaving while driving over the last few weeks.”

Upon discovering the bag, McArthur immediately called her husband, conveniently leaving out enough detail about the situation to allow him to properly prepare himself for the nauseating chemical attack awaiting him in their 2018 Chrysler Pacifica.

“I knew her car smelled pretty bad,” said Brandon McArthur, 48. “Driving her car was like inhaling the post-coital aroma of a chihuahua having her way with a wet noodle in the dumpster out back behind the local Chinese food restaurant on a hot, muggy Sunday afternoon. It was awful. But I’ve got to give it to Ryder and his Paw Patrol pups, they really were our heroes for suppressing the smell of that war crime for as long as they did.”

After several agonizing minutes of attempting to maintain control of the contents of his stomach, Brandon managed to remove the mysterious bag from its hiding place. Unfortunately, the bag’s contents wreaked havoc on the paper’s fibrous material and its weight caused it to rip, spilling the vial concoction all over the family’s driveway and front yard.

“My wife and oldest daughter ran for the hills as soon as the bag split, and I don’t blame them,” said Brandon. “Watching that thing break apart was like watching a bowling ball tear its way through a piece of wet toilet paper. I’m grateful it didn’t get inside the car, but I tossed my pants directly in the trash bin. They were my favorite pair, but I don’t even care. I don’t want that smell anywhere near my house; I’ll shower with the hose.”

As for what the contents of the bag were, Dolores and Brandon can only speculate, but a source close to the subject has suggested that the youngest member of the McArthur family may know more than what he has adorably babbled about.

“The youngest child is a mischievous one,” the source said. “I’ve seen him reach into his diaper and remove his fecal matter on more than one occasion and it’s not unheard of for sippy cups filled with milk to go missing around this household. The parents have been more distracted by the older children lately thanks to their numerous afterschool and weekend activities that it’s not unlikely that this toxic discovery was put there by none other than the baby himself.”

Although the McArthur family wasn’t ready to actively accuse their smallest child of this crime, they’re also not ruling out the possibility. However, after a weekend cleaning the car and one very expensive detail job later, the smell is gone, and it appears the family is ready to drop the matter entirely.

“I just hope other families can learn from our experience,” said Dolores. “Take the time to clean out your car. Invest the time to teach your children about the benefits of cleaning up after themselves and putting their things away when they’re done. These little steps may seem trivial, especially after a long day, but it doesn’t take long for clutter to build up and then it’s only a matter of time until something like this could happen to you.”

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