Dems concerned Buttigieg taking Vance roleplay too far

MINNEAPOLIS – U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg has been roleplaying as Republican Vice-Presidential hopeful J.D. Vance to assist Minnesota Governor Tim Walz prepare for his upcoming debate against Vance on Oct. 1st.

Buttigieg is widely considered one of the Democrats’ most skilled communicators, which makes him the ideal candidate for this position. However, top Democratic leaders are concerned he’s taking the roleplaying a bit too far.

“I walked into my office to meet with Pete for our first rehearsal and I found him having sex with my couch,” said Walz. “He then sat up, opened his binder, and got down to business as if nothing out of the ordinary had just taken place.”

Walz also said he confronted Buttigieg about this behavior after several of his staff complained about his weird behavior, but the formal Naval officer insisted this total emulsion is vital to Walz’s success.

“It’s called method acting,” said Buttigieg. “In the military, we had people roleplay as the enemy, we called them OPFOR (Opposing Force). It was a vital tool in our ability to train and defeat the Taliban in Afghanistan. The more realistic the OPFOR, the better the training. I’m simply taking these lessons and applying them to a different battlefield.”

Vice President Kamala Harris tried to warn Walz of Buttigieg’s intense training regime, having experienced it first-hand when he stood in for then-Vice President Mike Pence when she and Joe Biden were vying for the White House in 2020.

“I’ll never forget the first time Pete took on Pence’s persona for our debate training,” said Harris. “The first thing he had us do was sit down and watch Mulan. Then he lectured me for an hour and a half about how the film was nothing more than Disney propaganda to get women to enlist in the military. Then we went outside and held a funeral service for an aborted fetus.”

Although his techniques may seem unorthodox and, perhaps, a little over the top, the results cannot be denied. This intense military grade training helped propel Biden and Harris over Trump and Pence in 2020.

However, it’s not his behavior in rehearsal that has people concerned, it’s how he carries his Vance persona over into his everyday life rather than leave it at work.

“He brought home a stray cat the other day and I thought it was just Pete being Pete, he’s got a big heart like that,” said Chasten Buttigieg, Pete’s husband. “But then he told me to kill it and bake it into a pie. I was horrified. When I refused, he told me to keep the cat and called me ‘no better a childless cat lady.'”

Concerned about his husband, Chasten went after his husband, finding him making awkward conversation with the lady behind the counter at their local donut shop.

“I know Pete takes his job very seriously,” said Chasten. “But I’m really concerned this transformation isn’t good for his mental health.”

His coworkers at the Department of Transportation have mirrored these concerns. One employee, who asked to remain anonymous, said he recently sat in a meeting with the Secretary where all he did was spitball ideas on how to make it impossible for illegal immigrants to use the roads and all forms of public transportation.

“I really can’t wait for this election to be over and we get the old Pete back,” said the employee. “Also, if this is what it’s like working for J.D. Vance, I’m really glad I won’t be working in the White House if he and Trump are elected.”

Despite the concerns, Gov. Walz said Buttigieg’s commitment to the bit has created some of the most realistic debate training he’s ever been a part of.

“It’s like I’m sitting in that room with J.D. himself, it’s really quite remarkable,” said Walz. “He even grew out a beard and everything. It’s really spooky, but I feel more confident going into this debate than any other I’ve ever participated in. For that, I really need to thank Pete.”

Will Buttigieg’s extreme transformation help? The first vice presidential debate of the 2024 election season can be watched Oct. 1st at 9 p.m. EST on CBS news.