Local cat murders owner after throwing away favorite Amazon box

CINCINNATI, Ohio – A local domesticated feline was arrested by animal control officers early this morning after its owner was found dead by her boyfriend in her apartment.

Mr. Muffins, a four-year-old tabby, is accused of murdering Debbie Sawtelle, 28, who was last seen alive bringing a handful of empty boxes to the recycling bin late last night.

Sawtelle, a digital marketing manager for a local chain of grocery stores, had recently purchased a large quantity of items from Amazon to help furnish her new apartment. Authorities believe Mr. Muffins had become attached to the cardboard boxes and turned violent following the disposal of the cherished keepsakes.

“Meow, meow, meow, (She didn’t even stop to think if anyone else in the house was using the boxes, she just threw them out like they were trash),” said Muffins. “Meow, meow, meow, purr (She was always inconsiderate like that. Sure, she fed me, pet me, and gave me unconditional love, but she took away the one thing I truly love, boxes. For that, she had to die).”

Mr. Muffins also said this wasn’t the first time Ms. Sawtelle had discarded his beloved boxes. According to a secret diary he stashed behind his litter box, this was the 103rd time she disposed of seemingly empty boxes which were being repurposed by the cat.

The arrest of Mr. Muffins has set off a firestorm on social media with thousands of people calling the cat’s arrest species motivated and, within hours of the arrest, tens of people gathered outside city hall petitioning the mayor to pardon Muffins.

“That cat is a wild animal and behaved like a wild animal,” said Martha Wilmont, who was never allowed to have a pet as a kid. “We don’t blame bears for going through trash or squirrels for running suicidally into the road, so why are we blaming this kitty for violently slashing the throat of its owner for discarding something with so much sentimental value? If you ask me, this entire state and country has become fearful of pets, particularly cats, similarly to how we all feared Muslims after 9/11, thanks to the misinformation circulating that we eat them up here. It’s disgusting.”

Meanwhile, those in defense of Ms. Sawtelle’s actions held a vigil for her outside her apartment complex, honoring a young woman whose life was tragically cut short.

“People recycle boxes every single day and aren’t at risk of being killed by their adorable little kitten,” said Gabe Wright. “This was simply a case of an untamed beast biting the hand that feeds. I bet he didn’t know how well he had it with Debbie. From what I gather, she was as sweet as an apple pie and wouldn’t hurt the hair on a flea, let alone the animal she fostered and cared for with her entire heart. I hope he gets what’s coming to him.”

Mr. Muffins is due in court next week. Experts believe the evidence is overwhelming and won’t be surprised if the defense will attempt to make a plea bargain to save the cat’s life. According to Ohio law, a guilty verdict could carry a sentence anywhere from probation to the death penalty.