Cold Case: Where’s Waldo?

Where’s Waldo? It’s a question everyone has been asking since September 1987 when an eccentric British man set off on a hike and was never seen again, leading to one of the most famous cold cases in world history.

Today, Interpol has announced it’s working with local authorities to reopen the case after the discovery of new evidence.

It’s the first new evidence presented in Waldo’s disappearance since he first went missing on Sept. 18, 1987. Although the original investigation was fruitless, countless conspiracy theories have evolved over the years as people believe they’ve seen Waldo, recognizable by his distinct red-and-white sweater and matching knit cap, at beaches, ski slopes, and museums all around the world.

“Obviously, I’m hoping we can find Waldo safe and sound,” said Wenda, Waldo’s girlfriend at the time of his disappearance. “But I’m also a realist. I know they’re more likely to find his remains. I’ve come to terms with that a long time ago.”

Statistically speaking, Wenda is correct. The odds of finding a missing person alive after the first 48 hours is low; the odds of finding a missing person alive after more than 30 years is astronomically low. However, a source close to the investigation has spoken to us on the condition of anonymity that this may not be the open-and-shut case we all think it is.

According to the source, a cache of money, weapons, and passports with pictures of a gentleman who looks like Waldo, but with aliases like Walter, Charlie, Van Lang, and Jonas, was found in Caracas, Venezuela. If true, this discovery could validate all those alleged sightings throughout the years. But the question still remains, why did Waldo disappear and where is he now?

“People go on the run for a number of different reasons,” said the source. “Some do it for nefarious reasons or to avoid capture after breaking the law, obviously. But when we find a cache like that, it usually implies the person has money and resources. If I were a betting man, I would say Mr. Waldo was undercover for MI-6, or possibly another lettered agency.”

So, was Waldo a spy? According to James P. Handford, a historian specializing on secret government projects, the answer is, yes.

“When you look at the time period Waldo went missing, it was undoubtedly the most ideal time for someone with his knack for blending into a crowd to go underground and assist with international affairs,” said Handford. “The 1980s was a powder keg waiting to go off. The Soviet Union was on the verge of collapse, we were neck deep in the Cold War, and there was violence raging throughout Africa and South America. I believe the only thing keeping to world together at that time was the secret agents working behind the scenes and in the shadows.”

Handford also said he believes Waldo was a sleeper agent, living a normal life waiting to be called up for duty. And that duty was most likely dealing with a criminal mastermind and student of the occult known as Odlaw, who was using the instability and insecurities around the world to silently build a network of outlaws and villains which is still active today with known members in Al-Qaeda, ISIS, and almost every HOA in America.

Odlaw was assassinated on his villa porch in Puerto La Cruz by an unknown assailant who poisoned his Diet Mountain Dew in 1997. However, Handford believes Waldo remained undercover in the country to continue fighting Odlaw’s sphere of influence.

“We can still feel the effects of Odlaw’s regime to this day,” said Handford. “Trying to eliminate this threat through traditional military methods on a sovereign nation would be viewed as a war crime, so it only makes sense for this to be taken care of discretely.”

Of course, not everyone believes Waldo was a secretive spymaster and his disappearance was more likely the result of a lover’s quarrel.

“Waldo’s disappearance happened conspicuously close the death of Wilma, his girlfriend at the time,” said Mary-Lou Dufur, Waldo’s neighbor. “She died from mysterious circumstances, and he started dating her twin sister Wenda. Then he vanished from the face of the earth. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but the way things line up is rather suspicious.”

Both Waldo and Wenda were acquitted of any wrongdoing in Wilma’s death, whom the coroner reported as having died of natural causes. However, Dufur isn’t the only one who believes the couple were responsible for the twin’s death. In fact, immediately after Waldo’s disappearance, Wenda was widely considered a person of interest by the court of public opinion, despite having a rock-solid alibi.

So, what will this new evidence bring to the case of Waldo’s disappearance? Was he an agent of state on an undercover mission? Was he on the run for the murder of his girlfriend Wilma? Or was he, himself, murdered for his involvement of her death? Only time will tell.