In The Beekeeper, Statham Does Statham … But With Bees

You know when you’re settling in for a Jason Statham flick, and your brain tells you, “Well, it’s probably going to involve punching, growling, and the general destruction of mid-budget film sets”? Welcome to The Beekeeper, where Statham has apparently decided that playing Jason Statham as a beekeeper was a logical next step in his evolution as an action star. What’s that? A secret order of Beekeepers that avenges wronged retirees? That’s right, folks. Don your protective suits because the hive mind has never been more ridiculous.

Statham stars as Jason Statham—I mean, sorry, “Jayjay,” a down-on-his-luck, gravelly voiced man who trades his gritty streets-of-London roots for something more domestic. He’s working as a groundskeeper for an elderly woman who, in a shocking display of good judgment, thanks him by inviting him to dinner. But you just know something’s about to go off the rails because Jayjay’s only life experience involves violence and brooding stares.

Cue the emotional bombshell: “You’re the only person who has ever taken care of me,” Jayjay murmurs in what may be his most heartfelt moment since that time he punched a shark in The Meg. Naturally, this heartwarming sentiment leads to the elderly lady being cyber-hacked by a Spear Phishing attack. It’s nice to see Hollywood staying hip with tech-savvy threats. Next thing we know, her life savings is gone, and she… well, she decides that instead of going to the police, therapy, or calling her grandkids, she’ll just shoot herself. Perfectly reasonable reaction in the Statham Cinematic Universe.

Now Jayjay is sad (cue brooding stare No. 57). But here’s the kicker—our hero isn’t just any old groundskeeper. He’s a retired member of The Beekeepers—no, not your local organic honey enthusiasts, but a hyper-secret shadow organization that maintains “the balance” by, and I quote, “killing people if they upset it.” It’s unclear if “balance” involves pollination or geopolitical assassinations, but does it really matter? It’s Statham with bees. Just accept it.

Jayjay embarks on a vengeful rampage against a group of millennials who are clearly written by someone who thinks TikTok is a newfangled fax machine. These are actors in their 30s, portraying Gen Z with all the authenticity of a bad Saturday morning cartoon. They’re the cyber-criminal masterminds who drained the old woman’s accounts. How does Jayjay deal with them? Take a wild guess. Yep, he stabs, shoots, and punches his way through them like they’re bee larvae in his way.

But this is just the beginning. Soon, Jayjay discovers that the cyber theft was orchestrated by a retired CIA guy who, despite knowing absolutely nothing about The Beekeepers, has their number on speed dial. How does this work? Don’t ask questions; just embrace the madness. The Beekeepers send one of their own after Jayjay, and naturally, Jayjay murders this poor bee-loving assassin within seconds.

At this point, it’s not entirely clear if this is a film about bees, espionage, or Statham’s quest to singlehandedly destroy logic itself. But it doesn’t stop there. Jayjay finds the other beekeeper’s hideout, which—shocker—also has bees. There are probably more bees in this film than in the Bee Movie, but none of them seem particularly interested in doing actual bee stuff. If you were hoping for some ecological messaging or, I don’t know, honey-related combat tactics, this is where you might get stung.

Unfortunately, the reviewer couldn’t make it to the end of the movie because the plane landed, which is both tragic and oddly symbolic of how this film seems to end prematurely in our hearts and minds. Will Statham restore the balance? Will bees finally get the respect they deserve as nature’s most secretive assassins? Who knows? Who cares?

Final Verdict: If you’re alone, The Beekeeper is a Fuck me/10—a special kind of Statham absurdity that makes you question your life choices. But if you’re with friends and need a drinking game where you take a shot every time someone says “bees” or “balance,” it skyrockets to an 11/10. Bring honey, and maybe some popcorn. It’s a wild ride.

*Please be advised, the previous review contains spoilers and affiliate links*