The largest storm in our solar system is moving toward Florida, scientists say

HOUSTON, Texas – NASA’s Hubble telescope has observed that Jupiter’s Great Red Spot, a 190-year-old storm and the largest in the entire solar system, is pushing its way toward the gulf coast region of the United States and is expected to make landfall in Florida sometime next week.

The storm, which is approximately 10,159 miles in diameter, or 1.3 times the size of Earth, has winds swirling at about 400 miles per hour—that’s more than twice as fast as Hurricane Milton’s top wind speeds at its peak as a category 5 hurricane.

“Does climate change effect the weather throughout the entire solar system? Or are the Democrats really that pissed off at Donald Trump that they’re willing to use weather manipulation devices to throw a storm big enough to engulf the entire planet at red southern states?” asked Peter Felton, a concerned citizen. “You know what? I hope it’s the latter because I’m tired of living in a time where there’s a new unprecedented catastrophe every week.”

NASA scientists first noticed the gas giant’s storm shifting its trajectory toward Earth after using the Hubble telescope to observe the storm over a 90-day period from December 2023 to March 2024. A timelapse of the gathered imagery shows the storm wiggling like Jello and compressing like a stress ball, indicating the storm isn’t as stable as they originally thought.

“Storms are usually quite unstable,” said Dr. Patricia Moore, a Hubble scientist. “When we look at storms here on Earth, they may last a few days but will eventually dissipate. The GRS has been a constant presence on our solar system’s largest planet for as long as we’ve been able to observe it. So, the fact it’s behaving so irregularly leaves us to believe that something significant is happening up there.”

The thought of weather traveling from one planet to another might feel like something out of the pages of a science fiction novel, but scientists are looking at the growing number of unprecedented weather anomalies over the past few years as evidence that nothing is outside of the realm of possibility.

“Look, if you had told me five years ago that the GRS would try and consume Earth, I’d call you crazy,” said Moore. “But after the extreme changes in our climate, which are well outside the normal fluctuations we see in our weather historically, I’ll be honest, nothing is off the table at this point. The real question is, will we destroy ourselves before the GRS gets here? Time will tell, I suppose, if we don’t pull our collective heads out of our asses and start trusting science again.”

Despite the scientific evidence of this unprecedented (there’s that word again) level of shift in the Earth’s environmental temperatures, there are still many people who continue to refuse to recognize these facts as truth.

“Alternative facts, you mean,” said Sam Quinteros, an avid climate change denier currently rebuilding his house which was destroyed by a recent weather phenomenon believed to have never happened before. “The weather changes all the time. Sometimes it’s hot. Sometimes it’s cold. Sometimes it’s flooding in the mountains. And sometimes it’s cloudy with chemtrails. If the weather’s changing, it’s because of the deep state’s attempt to control us; my 8-mile per gallon truck has nothing to do with it.”

Quinteros also said he believes God will sort everything out and purge the planet of non-believers, leaving a new Garden of Eden for those who cherry-pick the gospel in His name.

We reached out to God, but didn’t get a response.

Local officials are urging citizens to refrain from hoarding goods like toilet paper, water, and other commodities ahead of the Great Red Spot’s landfall because none of it will matter when it shreds the planet to pieces. So please, be kind to your neighbors. We’re all in this together.