New law requires voters to post image of ‘I voted’ sticker on Facebook

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to minimize fraudulent voting, Congress has passed a bill that would require all voters to post an image of their “I voted” sticker—which they will receive after casting their vote—to their personal Facebook page in order for their vote to count.

The controversial bill was first introduced by boomers in Congress who were once staunch believers that you shouldn’t believe everything you read online, but now flock to Meta’s flagship platform for their daily dose of misinformation, err, news.

“Although there has been no credible evidence of wide-spread voter fraud, we’re still campaigning on the belief that every vote cast against our party was done so by a malicious foreign actor who wants to see our democracy crumble,” said Hal Rogers (R-KY). “That being said, the only way we can truly ensure the legitimacy of our election is for every legal resident of our nation to self-regulate and post a photo to their Facebook profile, along with a small caption explaining who you voted for.”

Rogers also said it’s important that every citizen also makes sure their profiles are set to public, so election officials and Meta’s business-to-business sales team have access to your personal information to ensure you’re a legal resident of the United States and other things.

Critics of this new law say it’s just an excuse for lawmakers to increase the possibility of fraud by taking away the safety measures that are already in place in order to fuel their argument that the election, regardless of who wins, was stolen.

“There’s an old saying that goes, ‘if it ain’t broke, fix it until it is,'” said John Longfellow, a government historian. “That’s basically the motto of the United States government. They have dug their heels in so deep to this idea that election security is faulty that they’re going out of their way to make sure it’s true. But here’s the real truth. Are there examples of voter fraud? Yes. Every election there’s always a handful of people who think they can beat the system. They can’t. Is our election process perfect? No. Sometimes voter rosters don’t get updated properly. There’s certainly room for improvement there. But is there wide-spread election fraud that would severely impact the result of the election? Absolutely not.”

Longfellow also said, making it so votes only count if a citizen posts a photo on Facebook is basically privatizing the election process, which would inevitably lead to a disastrous situation.

“Corporations already have their hands too deep in the pockets of our elected officials,” said Longfellow. “If this law isn’t overturned by the Supreme Court, you’re going to see massive fraud this election. For one, you’re essentially blocking people’s right to vote if you don’t have a Facebook account. Second, ensuring each vote is counted falls into the hands of the algorithm, which Meta and Facebook are not open about how that works. Overall, this is just a horrible, horrible idea.”

Not surprisingly, Twitter users have already come out with conspiracy theories about how Mark Zuckerberg and Meta’s lobbyists paid off members of congress to use Facebook as their platform of choice. They also doubled down by saying the only social media platform that would provide the transparency for a free and unhindered election is X (nope, we can’t do it … Twitter), a website so riddled with disinformation that it makes Alex Jones’ InfoWars appear sane and moderate.

Despite the overwhelming support for this new law in Congress, there is a small contingency of bipartisan lawmakers who’re fighting back against what they call, “a gross misstep in our democracy.”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about Facebook, X, or many of these other large social media platforms,” said Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY). “These companies are run by billionaires who spend millions of dollars supporting candidates and own some of the most powerful communication tools on the planet. While these platforms can be great for conversation and discussing politics, our electoral system must be separate from private business.”

Supporters of this law, whom we cannot confirm are not bots, were quick to point out that the election is already in the hands of private businesses that create the voting machines Americans use to cast their vote—which was one of the cornerstones of Donald Trump’s lawsuits against Dominion Voting Systems Corporation and the alleged fraud that supposedly cost him the 2020 election.

“The government hires private companies, such as Dominion, to assist with the election because the U.S. government doesn’t manufacture the voting machines,” said Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT). “But there is a system in place to ensure these machines are valid and provide accurate results. It’s impossible to have that level of control and oversight using Facebook. It just isn’t possible.”

If you’re concerned about your vote not counting because you don’t have a Facebook account, don’t worry just yet. Although both the House and Senate have voted to pass the law, it currently sits on President Joe Biden’s desk which, as we’ve learned, has become something of a disorganized mess ever since he suspended his campaign for reelection and experts don’t believe he’ll even notice it until after the election on Nov. 5th.