Washington Post creates OnlyFans account after subscriber exodus

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Washington Post created an OnlyFans account today in an effort to recover revenue lost from a massive exodus of subscribers following the paper’s decision to not endorse a presidential candidate for the first time since 1980.

“The Washington Post will not be making an endorsement of a presidential candidate in this election. Nor in any future presidential election,” said Post publisher Will Lewis in a statement. “We are returning to our roots of not endorsing presidential candidates.”

According to sources close to the issue, the paper’s editorial staff had drafted an endorsement for Vice President Kamala Harris, but owner Jeff Bezos allegedly nixed it before it could go to print—a decision that has led many readers to cancel their subscriptions in protest and the paper’s board of directors to make this unorthodox decision.

“Running a newspaper is hard in this day and age,” said a Post employee who wished to remain anonymous. “Losing a massive chunk of our readers is really going to make a dent in the bottom line. What else could we do? If we want to keep our doors open and our staff paid, we need to make money. I hear feet pics are selling for a lot these days.”

According to an internal memo we acquired from the Washington Post, the paper’s OnlyFans account will primarily be an outlet for posting material that’s too spicy for the flagship publication. Some examples of content the paper is open to publishing, which it outlined in the memo, included celebrity gossip, UFO conspiracy theories, and presidential endorsements.

To kickstart their efforts for subscribers, the Post sent out a marketing email to everyone who canceled their membership today promising them a free JOI video featuring their mailroom intern, Craig.

The Washington Post OnlyFans page will feature a tiered subscription model starting at $5 a month which will get you access to all their articles. More exclusive and provocative content can be unlocked at higher tiers, or through pay-per-view options.

For anyone not interested in either a traditional Washington Post subscription, or their spicy page content, please allow us to shamelessly remind you that Alpine 6 Action News is never behind a paywall and our newsletter is always FREE!