Journalist balances groundbreaking reporting with artistic pursuits; boss claims otherwise

Windsor, Conn – Crag Donovan, the prolific investigative journalist behind some of the most hard-hitting exposés of our time, is facing undue scrutiny—not for his reporting, but for his choice of hobby.

Between breaking news that shakes the corridors of power and meticulously painting his Warhammer 40,000 Brood Brother Kill Team, Donovan has managed to master the delicate art of balance. Unfortunately, his boss doesn’t seem to share the same appreciation for his time management skills.

“He’s always got time to build his little toys, but when I ask for a rewrite on a story, suddenly he’s ‘on a lead’ or ‘following up a source,’” bitched Alpine 6 Action News editor-in-chief known only as “The Boss” during a team meeting, his tone carrying the whiff of a man whose own hobbies likely include yelling at birds.

To Donovan’s many admirers—readers, fellow hobbyists, and even a few begrudging political figures—it’s an absurd accusation.

Sources close to Donovan report that his day begins at 6 a.m. sharp, fueled by two cups of black coffee, a playlist of epic orchestral scores, and enough cigarettes to make any 1960’s doctor nod in approval. By mid-morning, he’s breaking stories that make Pulitzer juries salivate. By afternoon, he’s meticulously blending flesh tones for his Genestealer Cultists.

“Painting miniatures isn’t just a hobby—it’s a form of meditation,” Donovan explained when reached for comment. “It centers me, keeps me focused. And honestly, if The Boss doesn’t think I’m putting in the hours, maybe he should check the bylines on every major scoop this paper has run since it started.”

The Boss, however, remains skeptical. “Meditation? Please. It’s a plastic army of space bugs. Meanwhile, the story on City Hall corruption was four days late last month. I don’t care if he wins a Golden Demon, or whatever the fuck they get as prizes; I want my deadlines met.”

Some colleagues suggest The Boss’ disdain for Donovan’s hobby has less to do with missed deadlines and more to do with envy.

“Crag’s good at everything he does, and I think it just burns The Boss up,” said Brad, Alpine 6’s unpaid intern, and in no way threatened to say nice things about Donovan.  “Plus, I overheard him once saying he ‘doesn’t get’ the appeal of miniature wargaming. That’s classic insecure energy right there.”

Despite the criticism, Donovan’s work continues to thrive. His latest article, Trump Names Chinese Takeout As Acting Attorney General After Matt Gaetz’s Departure, hit the front page just days after he finished painting the last highlights on his Brood Brother Commander’s power sword.

The Warhammer community has rallied behind Donovan. Forums buzz with support for their fellow hobbyist, and some have even started a petition demanding The Boss publicly apologize.

“Crag’s showing that you can love Warhammer and still be a badass journalist,” said Tad Crater, a petition signer. “The Boss is just a salty little bitch because he can’t differentiate a dry brush from a wash.”

As of press time, Donovan had no plans to stop painting or reporting. “I’ll keep breaking news and painting minis,” he said. “And if my boss wants to have a real conversation about time management, I’m happy to sit down—after I finish painting my Adeptus Custode army. I plan on running some big table battles next year.”

It’s a balancing act few could manage, but then again, few are Crag Donovan: journalist, artist, and unshakable defender of the hobbyist’s right to hobby.