Trump willing to put in a good word at McDonalds for any federal employee who quits

FEASTERVILLE-TREVOSE, Pa. – President Donald Trump has promised to put in a good word at the local McDonalds he held a photo op at during his 2024 presidential campaign to any federal employee who opts into his deferred resignation offer before tomorrow’s deadline.

So far, about 2,000 federal employees have decided to take the cash and walk away from their jobs, about 1% of the total workforce. The president has threatened widespread layoffs if his target of reducing the federal workforce by 10% isn’t achieved through voluntary means.

“I’ll tell you what, I love McDonalds and I love the people who work at McDonalds,” said Trump. “If these federal employees are willing to do what’s right for their country and leave their job that pays just enough to survive and take a minimum wage gig, I’ll happily put in a good word. There are good people over there. The best.”

The voluntary resignation program will allegedly allow federal employees to resign from their position and continue to be paid through September 30th. An initial mass email was distributed by the Office of Personnel Management on January 28th, with subsequent frequently asked question, or FAQ, emails sent out periodically afterward, reminding employees the president really, really wants them to quit. However, OPMs emails, much like the president’s slew of executive orders, were met with overwhelming confusion more than optimisim.

“Uh, I got an email that just said, ‘if I want to quit, I should respond to the email with the word resign in the body of the email’,” said Caleb Harrington, an employee at the U.S. Department of Agriculture. “I read that and immediately deleted it because it was basically a textbook example of a phishing scam. No thank you.”

OPM encouraged each department’s human resources officers to send out an email ensuring everyone that the email and the offer were legitimate. That did absolutely nothing to appease the confusion and frustration of the government’s employees.

“I’ve been working in government human resources for more than two decades and I’ve never seen a shit show like this before,” said Gabriel Nunez, a human resources officer for the Army Corps of Engineers. “Not only did the email go out without notifying any HR office in the country, it read like a scam, and when my employees reached out to me for more guidance, I couldn’t give it to them because OPM also had zero fucking clue about what the hell was going on.”

This confusion appears to be on brand for the Trump White House as he continues to sign executive order after executive order in a shock and awe technique to overhaul the government. Many legal experts have weighed in and said they think many of the executive orders he’s signing have no legal weight and could easily be overturned in a lawsuit, but believes the flurry of chaos is meant to be more of a slight of hand maneuver to test the limits of his executive powers.

“The president has a lot of executive power, but some things still require congressional action,” said Thad DoGood, a legal expert. “Either the president has no idea what his limitations are, or he’s trying to test how far he can go until congress pushes back. I think he’s creating this chaos to make things confusing, to let things slip through the cracks and create a new precedent for what the president can do.”

President Trump has only been in office for two and a half weeks and has already signed more executive orders than all other presidents—except Dwight D. Eisenhower—in their first 100 days in office. Of those, many have already spawned lawsuits to try and overturn the action. Some of these include his executive order to ban birthright citizenship, removing federal worker protections, and the creation and actions of Elon Musk’s DOGE.

While many experts argue this rapid slashing of government entities will be detrimental to the United States’ position of authority on the world state, others have gleefully cheered the bloodbath on because it fulfills the president’s campaign promises, regardless of the potential blowback.

“Will the world’s poor and displaced lose faith in us? Probably. Will we lose areas abroad that’re vital to American interests to our adversaries like Russia and China? No doubt. But none of that matters because our lord and savior Donald J. Trump will protect us from the heinous DEI-loving monsters of the world,” said Sen. Ted Budd (R-NC). “That’s the beautiful thing about MAGA. We’re making America great again. Not Ethiopia. Not Ghana. Not Iraq. America. How you ask? By creating chaos without clear direction and blaming it on the libs. Too easy.”

Unfortunately, for any federal employee who opts to resign from government and takes Donald Trump up on his offer to work at McDonalds, the MAGA movement does not include raising the minimum wage or reducing the cost of living. As a matter of fact, the chaotic and questionable “Fork in the Road” email that asked them all to quit, may not even result in any compensation if we look back at the chaos and confusion at Twitter after Musk’s acquisition of the company in 2022.