Trump’s new Executive Order bans that one clip from The West Wing

WASHINGTON – President Trump signed an executive order on Thursday titled, Eradicating Anti-Christian Bias, which, upon closer examination, bans anyone in the federal government from watching, distributing, or talking about that one scene from The West Wing episode “The Midterms“ where President Bartlett points out hypocrisy in the bible.

That particular clip of the popular early 2000s drama repeatedly makes its rounds after Christian Nationalists (not to be confused with real Christians) try to criticize everyone and everything with their selective interpretation of the Bible, which has historically made the president’s cult followers mad.

“I don’t think the President has ever opened a Bible or knows anything about the Christian faith other than the fact he wakes up Christmas morning to find neatly wrapped presents under the tree,” said Susie Wiles, Trump’s chief of staff. “But his base is full of Evangelical Christians who blame everything from cloudy days to abortions and homosexuality on some narrow-minded understanding of the Bible. The President’s decision to ban this particular clip from the federal government is a testament to his dedication to his followers and their hatred for gays and lesbians.”

Wiles also said Trump wanted to include language in the executive order that renounced President Bartlett as the “worst president in United States history, even worse than ‘Sleepy Joe Biden’,” but was convinced to forfeit that language because President Bartlett was a character on a television show and not a real president.

“Are we sure he’s not a real president?” Trump said. “The clip was a little grainy, but it looked real. Wow, it looked so real. So, you’re telling me that AI, or something? It looked just like Charlie Sheen from that two men show. Were they gay in that show? Maybe we should ban that, too. It’s incredible what AI can do these days. I don’t know a lot about AI, but I’ve been told it can replace all the illegals I’m getting rid of. Get ready for cheap prices. We are making America great again.”

The West Wing clip in question features President Josiah Bartlett (Martin Sheen) confronting right-wing Christian radio show host Dr. Jenna Jacobs (Claire Yarlett) about her views on homosexuality and then absolutely destroys her world view by quoting Bible verse after Bible verse to show how outdating the teaching of the Christian holy book have become in modern times. See the clip and transcript below.

President Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
President Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.
President Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be?

While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police?

Here’s one that’s really important ’cause we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town: Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point?

Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side?

Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?

To double down on efforts to reduce the possibility of anyone seeing that clip and understanding that a 2,000 year old book that’s been written and rewritten throughout history doesn’t manifest the true word of God, President Trump has also issued a royal decree that The West Wing will no longer be available to buy or rent from any streaming service or be distributed via physical media (i.e. DVD or VHS) ever again. He’s ordered Marco Rubio—because he’s apparently put in charge of every little side project now—to personally go house-to-house across America to collect and destroy every copy of the show.

Anyone found in violation of this order will be sent to Guantanamo Bay and eventually deported.