White Sox eliminated from the post season

CHICAGO – After a record-breaking terrible year in 2024, the Chicago White Sox’s string of bad luck continues as the team has officially been eliminated from the playoffs just one game into the 2025 season.

The Sox went 41 – 121 in 2024, setting the single season record for most losses.

“I was really hoping we’d turn things around this year and really strive for a .500 season,” said Patrick Donovan, a lifelong White Sox fan. “This makes sense though and, honestly, I’d rather get the heartbreak over now than down the stretch.”

The decision to eliminate the White Sox from October baseball on opening day has confused some fan, especially since they won their first game of the season today, crushing the Los Angeles Angels 8 – 1 at home. Robert Manfred, the commissioner of Major League Baseball, stands by the league’s decision.

“Look, the Sox disappointed their fans so badly this year that I couldn’t allow them to raise their hopes at all this year,” said Manfred. “They’ll still play 162 games this year and, if they manage to not completely suck, we’ll seriously consider allowing them to play competitively next season.”

Surprisingly, many White Sox players approve of this premature elimination, saying the lack of stress may actually help them return to the fundamentals of the game, like hitting, fielding, and just having fun.

“I think we all get caught up in the idea of winning that we often forget that we’re paid millions of dollars to play a game,” said Andrew Benintendi, outfielder. “After the league told us we’d been eliminated, we gathered in the club house and watched Little Big League as a team. That movie is filled with valuable lessons like, focus on your mechanics, have fun, and it’s totally fine to sleep with your manager’s mom.”

The Colorado Rockies and Miami Marlins, who went 61 – 101 and 62 – 100 last season, respectively, were disappointed they, too, were not prematurely eliminated after such abysmal 2024 seasons.

“Honestly, I’m kind of jealous of the guys in Chicago,” said Anthony Bender, a pitcher for the Marlins. “They get to just relax and have fun this season. We actually have to try and not suck this year. Do you know how hard that is in this market?”

According to Manfred, he’d considered eliminating both teams Opening Day, but the Marlins won their first game against the Pittsburgh Pirates 5 – 4 and he couldn’t remember the last time anyone cared about the Rockies enough to make a difference either way.

“If either team has put up historically bad numbers last year, we’d have a different conversation,” said Manfred. “But the fact of the matter is, they both just had normally shitty years. We can’t give preferential treatment to every small market team that can’t sell enough tickets to buy a semi-successful franchise.”

So, as for now, the White Sox will get a free ride through the season while the other 29 teams will battle it out for a spot in the post season this October.

The White Sox play the Angels again tomorrow at 2:10 PM EST.