Trump tells Americans to buy less, spend more, and embrace the joy of economic ruin

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump, a man whose baby rattle was reportedly dipped in gold and who once mistook a middle-class home for a “theme park poverty exhibit,” is now encouraging Americans to embrace his new economic mantra: buy less stuff, pay more for it, and stop whining about the recession he says is totally fine.

In a weekend interview with NBC’s Kristen Welker, Trump was asked whether his sweeping tariff plan would raise prices. “Look, yeah,” he replied. “Everything’s OK. What we are — I said this is a transition period.” A transition, apparently, from the era of “Make America Wealthy Again” to “Let Them Eat Fewer Dolls.”

“They don’t need to have 30 dolls,” Trump added. “They can have three. They don’t need 250 pencils. They can have five.”

The statement has been hailed by economic historians as “the first time a U.S. president has tried to win reelection by insulting children’s stationery habits.”

Trump’s comments mark a sharp shift from his 2024 campaign rhetoric, which blamed inflation on then-President Biden and promised economic prosperity through tariff-fueled patriotism. That patriotic fervor now includes a 145 percent tariff on Chinese goods, a 10 percent tariff on everyone else, and a growing sense among economists that America’s economy is being steered by a man whose primary qualification is owning several bankrupt casinos.

Despite warnings from Wall Street about a potential recession, Trump doubled down, telling Americans to simply buy fewer foreign-made goods. “Stop being little bitches. Purchase less. Just buy American,” he said, while reportedly eating foie gras on a gold-plated cracker.

This newfound frugality is trickling down in curious ways. Across rural Ackland, Trump supporters have responded to the president’s call by trying to “buy American.” One viral video showed a caravan of MAGA supporters unloading pallets of American-made products from a company called Bad Dragon.

When asked if they knew what Bad Dragon sold, one supporter replied, “Don’t matter. It’s got an eagle logo on the box and says Made in the USA.”

Vice President JD Vance, speaking exclusively to Alpine 6 Action News from a leather fainting couch, revealed he’s been a longtime Bad Dragon customer. “Honestly, I was into it before I knew what it was. Which tracks, I guess,” Vance said, stroking a suspiciously shaped sculpture behind him.

For non-cult members—Americans who shop at stores not shaped like crosses—Trump’s tariffs are hitting hard. Prices are up, jobs are uncertain, and there’s a growing fear that federal agents might black-bag them into an unmarked Econozone Reeducation Center for purchasing Belgian chocolate.

Labor economist Kathryn Anne Edwards called the strategy self-defeating. “You can’t ask Americans to buy more expensive goods while simultaneously tanking consumer demand,” she said. “Unless the goal is to manufacture suffering, in which case, brilliant.”

Even some in Trump’s orbit have expressed concern. Marc Short, former top aide to ex-Vice President Pence, warned the president’s “anti-toy rhetoric” might backfire. “It’s weird, it’s elitist, and it makes people think he’s against birthdays.”

Still, Trump’s allies remain loyal. Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wis.) told Fox News on Sunday, “You have to act boldly. This isn’t about the economy, it’s about vibes.”

As markets wobble and public opinion dips—nearly 60% of Americans now say Trump’s policies are making things worse—the real question may be whether congressional Republicans continue following the president down this consumer-hating rabbit hole.

“If he loses the GOP on this,” said Douglas Holtz-Eakin, president of the American Action Forum, “we’ll know it was the pencil thing that did it.”