Trump Celebrates Victory Day, a Non-Federal Holiday He Just Made Up but Insists We Take Seriously

WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump has declared today, May 8th, 2025, as “Victory Day for World War II,” commemorating the 80th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s surrender and reigniting debate over whether America celebrates enough things loudly enough.

In a proclamation signed Wednesday with his signature gold Sharpie™, Trump said Americans “never took credit” for winning World War II and vowed to begin “celebrating our victories again—the best victories, the biggest victories, everybody says so.”

“We did more than any other country, by far,” the president posted earlier this week on Truthr™, where the like button is shaped like an eagle’s beak. “We won both World Wars. Nobody else was even close, and yet we never throw a parade, never take a day off, never slap our name on the thing. That changes now.”

While May 8th is not a federal holiday—a power reserved for Congress, which Trump previously called “an anti-celebration cartel of losers”—the proclamation designates the day as an official celebration anyway, a move that constitutional scholars have referred to as “a very spirited suggestion.”

Vice President J.D. Vance, reclining heroically on his freshly reupholstered Corinthian leather loveseat—a Push Present from his wife following the birth of their child, Liberty Eagle Vance—delivered emotional remarks exclusively to Alpine 6 Action News.

“This is more than just a holiday,” Vance said, stroking the couch’s tufted armrest. “This is a movement. A reawakening. A spiritual realignment with greatness. I’m proud of President Trump for finally giving Americans something to believe in—other than interest rates and big pharma gaslighting.”

When asked what events might take place nationwide, the White House offered no specifics, though aides privately floated the idea of “a massive Dodge Ram convoy across the Midwest” and “ballpark flyovers featuring golden eagles and slow-motion flag tosses.”

Not everyone was clear on what the day actually means.

“Do I get the day off?” asked Tad Crater, a seasonal UPS driver and part-time conspiracy meme archivist. “Because I got hosed on Columbus Day, and I still don’t know what Juneteenth is. My cousin Chester said he heard you only get this day off if you salute a bald eagle or buy a hot dog made in America.”

Crater added that he only learned about Victory Day after a coworker forwarded him a screenshot of Trump’s proclamation, which he initially mistook for a sandwich shop ad.

Veterans groups offered measured support for the initiative.

“Anything that reminds Americans about the sacrifices of the Greatest Generation is welcome,” said Rob Couture of the VFW, “although a reminder that May 8th is not a paid holiday would also help.”

As of 2024, just over 66,000 of the 16.4 million Americans who served in WWII remain alive. Many are reportedly confused that the U.S. is only now getting around to this.

“Eighty years, huh?” said Walter K., 98, a former Army radio operator who served in the Ardennes. “I guess better late than never. But I swear, if they rename Armistice Day again, I’m writing my congressman. If he’s still alive.”

As for Trump, he says this is just the beginning of “a new American celebratory tradition,” teasing a forthcoming Victory Day for World War I, tentatively scheduled for “whenever I say so.”

“I brought back Christmas,” he reminded reporters. “Now I’m bringing back Victory.”