Trump to give Qatar $400m worth of state secrets; has “nothing to do with the jet”

DOHA, Qatar – President Donald Trump has announced he plans to give the State of Qatar approximately $400 million worth of U.S. state secrets as a “totally free, no strings attached” gift during his visit to the Middle East this week.

The decision has raised several security and ethical concerns from both Democrats and Republicans, especially after it was reported that Qatar would be gifting the president and the U.S. Department of Defense a luxury Boeing 747-8 jet to replace the aging Air Force One.

“We’ve seen the speculations and quite inaccurate reporting from the mainstream media that President Trump is giving the Qatari government $400 million worth of U.S. secrets in exchange for the Boeing jet they’re giving the president, but that simply isn’t true,” said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. “The president is giving Qatar $400 million worth of secrets because he sees the value in a continued and strong relationship with the country. It’s a token of friendship. It’s as simple as that.”

Leavitt also said it’s just a coincidence that the jet Qatar is gifting President Trump, which will be donated to his presidential library organization when he leaves office rather than stay in service to the United States and his predecessor, is also worth $400 million.

“What the fuck?” said former Sen. Bob Mendez, from his prison cell. “Y’all are just gonna sit here and pretend like there’s nothing to see here? Fuck you all.”

Earlier this year, Mendez was sentenced to 11 years in prison for bribery and corruption charges after taking cash, a Mercedes Benz, and gold bars in exchange for helping the Egyptian government. Many people are pointing to similarities between Mendez’ case and the bribery allegations Trump is now facing.

“Mendez got over a decade in the slammer for a few bars of gold and a car that’s been depreciating value since his bribers drove it off the lot,” said Sam Feinstein, a political law analyst. “The president accepted a $400 million dollar plane as a gift and ‘coincidently’ gave those people state secrets that’re worth roughly the same amount of money. This doesn’t just smell like a bribe, it looks like a bribe, tastes like a bribe, and has the word ‘bribe’ written on the side in big, bold letters.”

The Trump administration has denied any wrongdoing, citing the fact Attorney General Pam Bondi—who used to lobby on behalf of the Qatari government—blessed off on the gift. A blessing that many people have questions its ethical legitimacy.

“I’ll reiterate it again, since some of you don’t seem to understand English; President Trump did nothing wrong,” said Leavitt. “Besides, even if he did, there’s nothing anyone can do about it because the Supreme Court has already ruled that anything the president does in an official capacity cannot be held against him criminally.”

“The maximum value of a gift that a government employee may keep is $335,” said Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill). “I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure $400,000,000 is a little bit more than that. And our attorney general used to lobby for the Qatari government? I don’t know man, it sounds to me like conflict of interest may be an understatement.”

Republicans have balked at the situation, many claiming they didn’t know anything about the gift prior to President Trump accepting it, and others deflecting questions about the seemingly obvious violation of law to focus on other issues that matter to their base.

“My concern is his safety,” Sen. Rick Scott (R-Fla) told Fox News Digital. “Qatar supports Hamas. The Hamas leaders live in Qatar, so my concern is the safety of the president. How are we going to know that the plane is safe? How do we know it won’t crash into Israel? Stranger things have happened, you know.”

While the majority of the nation is wound up about this airplane and pointing fingers at who’s to blame and what’s legal or illegal, many national security experts are frantically waving their hands in the air as if they’re stranded on a deserted island, begging people to see them.

“Are we just going to ignore the fact that the sitting president of the United States is actively giving away state secrets to a foreign nation?” asked Tammi Henderson, a former CIA and NSA employee. “I get that there’s legal and ethical concerns about the stupid jet, but he’s giving away secrets. Possibly in a quid pro quo situation. Is no one else concerned about this?”

As it turns out, no. According to our sources close to the situation, the secrets that President Trump is giving the Qatari government (allegedly) in return for the big, fancy new plane, is stuff he already gave away to other foreign national leaders during social events at his Mar-a-Lago resort during President Biden’s tenure in the White House.

“As it turns out, he had all this stuff squirreled away in shoe boxes under his bed, so the FBI didn’t find them when they raided his golf club in 2022,” said our source, who spoke to us on terms on anonymity. “He was showing these things to anyone who would listen, which, as you can imagine based on the size of the MAGA cult, was quite a few people. CIA operative names, top secret military tech, you name it. It’s all in there.”

Critics of the president are concerned that even if bribery charges are brought against him, nothing will come of the verdict, even if he’s found guilty.

“I don’t know who needs to hear this, but hush money payments are a form of bribery,” said Pat Jenkins, a concerned citizen. “The ‘Felon-in-Chief’ was found guilty of 34 felony counts, including making hush-money payments to a porn star. So yeah, it’s not surprising he’s taking and giving bribes to foreign leaders. What’s concerning is that, if this turns out anything like his criminal cases, he’s going to get off with little more than a slap on the wrist. It’s pathetic and completely demoralizing to understand how much out judicial system is failing the country right now.”