Trump can’t believe Iran just attacked a U.S. base in Qatar, “totally unprovoked”

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump took to Truth Social today to condemn the Iranian attack on the Al Udeid Air Force base in Qatar Monday morning, calling it “unfair” and “totally unprovoked”.

The attack came just one day after President Trump ordered attacks on three Iranian nuclear sites using B-2 stealth bombers.

“I can’t believe Iran would be so bold as to launch an attack against American PATRIOTS in the Middle East,” Trump said on Truth Social. “It’s completely UNFAIR and totally UNPROVOKED!”

Trump continued by blaming the attack on Joe Biden by saying his failed border policies allowed for this unforgiveable attack on freedom and democracy that resulted in “thousands of lost American lives,” because undocumented immigrants, Joe Biden, and trans people are the root of all DJT’s problems.

According to the Pentagon, approximately 10,000 U.S. service members are stations at Al Udeid, but there have been no reported casualties from the attacks.

“Of course this is Biden’s fault,” said Secretary of State Marco Rubio, who looked visibly exhausted from the mental gymnastics required to keep all of the president’s off-the-wall talking points in order. “Iran was developing nuclear weapons and Iran can never have nuclear weapons. And Joe Biden … here’s the thing, Iran attacked us and we’re not going to let that go unpunished. Because they attacked us first … _today … and the president’s America First, something, didn’t want us to get involved in any new wars but Israel, I mean Iran, forced our hand.”

Critics are condemning the President’s actions in the Middle East, saying he’s breaking campaign promises to stay out of Middle East conflicts and threatening to plunge the U.S. into another war in the region, just four years after it withdrew from Afghanistan and the longest war the country had ever participated.

“OEF and OIF veterans don’t want to go back there,” said U.S. Army Capt. (ret.) Johnny Singleton. “Most of us lost friends over there, or, if we didn’t lose them there, we lost them to suicide after we got home. We’re still carrying the baggage from those wars; we don’t want to hand that baggage off to the next generation.”

Meanwhile, on Capitol Hill, lawmakers from both sides of the aisle have condemned the president’s actions, some going as far as saying what he’s done is an impeachable offense.

“The President’s disastrous decision to bomb Iran without authorization is a grave violation of the Constitution and Congressional War Powers,” Ocasio-Cortez posted late Saturday.

She further warned that President Donald Trump “has impulsively risked launching a war that may ensnare us for generations. It is absolutely and clearly grounds for impeachment.”

Upon hearing about Congress’ disapproval of his “massive military success”, President Trump was found by Vice President J.D. Vance lying on the floor, kicking the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office.

“It’s not fair,” Trump told Vance. “Obama got to bomb people. So did Sleepy Joe. So why can’t I bomb people, too? I want to blow people up. I’m the president, I should be able to do what I want.”

Constitutional scholars, however, say that while the President does have broad constitutional authority to conduct military strikes per the War Powers Resolution, the difference in legality between Biden, Obama, Bush, Clinton, and even Bush Sr., all of whom have conducted airstrikes against enemies of the United States, and the airstrike Trump just conducted, lies with the targets of those airstrikes.

For the past 20+ years, the U.S. has conducted airstrikes against terror cells and targets of imminent danger to the United States, its citizens, or service members, without congressional approval. Trump’s strike on Iran, however, was against a sovereign nation that, according to intelligence reports, was not an immediate threat to the United States or her interests (other than our seemingly unbreakable bond with Israel). To conduct this kind of strike, which can be perceived as an act of war, must be approved by Congress, said the scholars.

Social media is abuzz with assumptions and rampant questions from Gen Z and Gen Alpha content creators, who’re worried the president’s escalation of violence in the Middle East could lead to a military draft or they’re fresh-faced junior service members who joined the military for internet clout and discounts at Chick-fil-a and not to actually deploy to a combat zone.

“What do you mean we might go to war?” asked U.S. Army Pvt. Sharia Moore, a soldier at basic combat training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina (because apparently soldiers can now have their phones at basic?), via TikTok. “The chow hall just served us steak and lobster for dinner. Am I cooked, y’all? I just wanted 10% off at Sephora. I don’t want to go to war.”

Meanwhile, Millennials are “ROFLing” at the fact it appears the Trump administration simply took George W. Bush’s Iraq war plan, tossed it into Chat GPT, and asked it to rewrite it.

This is a breaking news story, stay tuned for updates.