“We traded bombs”, Trump touts Iran War as an “incredible” trade deal

WASHINGTON – On the campaign trail, President Donald Trump promised that he would make 90 trade deals in the first 90 days in office to help make America great again. However, he is currently on day 155 in office and has only inked two trade deals, sparking worry from his MAGA cult members that perhaps their supreme leader doesn’t know the art of the deal as well as he says.

Not to be discouraged or potentially proven to be a fraud, President Trump announced Monday evening that a ceasefire agreement had been signed by both Israel and Iran, and that he considers this de-escalation of force as yet another “incredible” trade deal for the United States.

“We traded bombs and that counts,” said Trump during a press event in the Oval Office. “And I’ll be honest; Iran may have gotten the better deal on this one. I don’t like to say it, but it’s true. We gave them much bigger bombs than they gave us. But I still see this as an incredible victory for America. I’m such a good deal maker.”

To understand how much Operation Midnight Hammer cost the American taxpayer, the seven B-2 bombers used to carry out the mission cost about $130,000 – $150,000 per flight hour and they airborne for 40 straight hours. Using the median cost, that’s about $39,200,000 just in B-2 flight time.

According to Gen. Dan Caine, chairman for the joint chief of staff, more than 125 aircraft—in addition to the B-2s—were used in this operation.

“Go big or go home, amirite?” said Caine.

As for munitions, it’s believed the United States spent about $49 million on the 14 30,000 lbs. Massive Ordinance Penetrator bombs it dropped, as well as about $43.2 million on 24 Tomahawk missiles.

Meanwhile, Iran fired anywhere between six and 19 short and mid-range ballistic missiles at Al Udeid Airbase in Qatar, depending on the source, costing about $3 – $6 million per missile.

So, how did this trade deal work out, and who came out on top? Well, the U.S. spent at least $131.4 million (we don’t have the financial specifics for the other 125 aircraft) and Iran spent between $57 million and $114 million—and the only thing either side has to show for it is a few broken buildings.

“You know, I can think of a few better uses for that money, like funding the VA healthcare program or making sure every kid has a free lunch at school,” said Marine Sgt. (ret.) Geoff Lane. “But what do I know? I’m just a double amputee OEF veteran who relies on the VA to stay alive.”

According to sources, the ceasefire between Iran and Israel will begin in waves over the next 24 hours. The real question that remains is, will this ceasefire result in a continued wave of peace or will it crumble and fall apart like the rest of Trump’s alleged trade deals?