Local man survives July 4th with all six fingers

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. – A local man woke up this morning with a horrible headache but grateful he survived another American Independence Day with all six of his fingers.

Chaz Huntington, 28, who was born with the standard 10 fingers, is a bit of a local celebrity for his annual fourth of July fireworks show—a show that claimed three of his fingers during the infamous 2020 “Fireworkpalooza” fiasco, which burned down his entire neighborhood and claimed the lives of multiple house pets and his cranky elderly neighbor, Betty.

His fourth finger was lost during an unrelated incident with a kimono dragon.

“Lemme tell you, what,” said Huntington. “Last night’s Fireworkspalooza was a massive success. I got all my fingers, and we only started a few small brushfires during the Roman Candle jousting tournament. All-in-all, I don’t think it could’ve gone any better.”

According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), there were 14,700 fireworks related injuries in 2024, with about 32% of those injuries involved the hands and fingers, often resulting in amputation.

“Every year, we spend countless hours and God-awful amounts of money trying to educate the American people about how to use fireworks safely,” said Shannon Mills, director of external communications and public affairs at CPSC. “But no one gives a damn. Fireworks are a symbol of American freedom, and the loss of a few fingers appears to be the cost of that freedom.”

This 4th of July marks the beginning of the one-year countdown to the United States’ 250th birthday in 2026, meaning there are 365 days of celebrations planned across the country and 365 opportunities to blow off your digits in the name of freedom.

Stay safe out there.