Cosplayer Thrilled He Can Dress Up as Gestapo, Be Paid to Do So

DES MOINES, Iowa — Eighteen-year-old Alvin Barton never imagined his dream job would be so within reach. That dream? Dressing like a Nazi and rounding up immigrants for money.

“Every Halloween I’d beg my parents to let me go as an SS officer,” said Barton, who failed out of high school and lists his hobbies as “tactical cosplay” and “modding Minecraft skins to look like Axis powers.” “They always said it was in bad taste or whatever, but now? Now I can live it. And Uncle Sam’s picking up the tab.”

Barton is one of hundreds of new hires for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) following a wave of re-funding and re-militarization pushed through by the Trump administration in June. President Donald Trump praised ICE’s expanded authorities in a Rose Garden speech earlier this month, calling the agency “the greatest thing to happen to badges since Wyatt Earp.”

For Barton, the job means he finally gets to wear what he calls “the drip”—a tactical black uniform, face-obscuring balaclava, mirrored sunglasses, and boots that he says make him “feel tall.” He’s especially thrilled that his identity is concealed during raids.

“I get to wear a mask so my parents won’t get mad,” Barton told Alpine 6 Action News while polishing his newly issued riot baton. “They still don’t know I’m part of the new ICE Quick Response Patriot Squad, but I think my dad would be proud if he knew how many brown people I’ve zip-tied.”

‘God’s Chosen Enforcers’

Vice President J.D. Vance, who oversees domestic operations for the newly consolidated Department of Faith and Freedom, offered his support for Barton and those like him.

“I think it’s great,” Vance said during a televised appearance on Fox & Friends & Christ. “We’re seeing more and more of America’s youth read the good parts of the Bible—the ones that clearly state Republican white men are God’s chosen, and totally within their rights to commit terrorism, discrimination, and recreational smiting when defending our sacred homeland.”

Vance added, “This is how you build the kingdom of heaven on earth. Through order, fear, and well-funded paramilitary cosplay.”

Critics Call It a ‘White Supremacist Welfare Program’

Others, however, have sounded the alarm on ICE’s recent expansions.

“The president said he wants to get all the rapists, murderers, and drug dealers out,” said Xander, a community organizer in San Diego who requested anonymity for his safety. “If that’s the case, why does ICE always raid Home Depot parking lots? Or factories, farms, warehouses? They’re not doing law enforcement—they’re performing white supremacy with federal money.”

Xander pointed to a recent bust at a California cannabis farm in which ICE detained over 30 undocumented workers, sparking protests. Several protestors were later arrested under a new executive order that grants ICE the authority to detain anyone who “menaces or molests agents during operations.”

“It’s not about law and order,” Xander said. “It’s about getting the brown people out to promote some white supremacist agenda.”

He also noted the financial ecosystem surrounding ICE’s operations.

“Think about it,” he said. “Millions of our tax dollars are going to build detention facilities. Immigrants are paid next to nothing to work on farms. Then ICE shows up, kidnaps them, and drops them into a for-profit detention center where they’re made to work for $1 an hour. It’s a racket, and its main export is human suffering.”

The Florida Facility That Bites Back

Those detention centers have drawn scrutiny lately, including the now-infamous “Alligator Alcatraz” in Florida, where poor infrastructure has led to multiple detainees being bitten by local wildlife while in custody.

Trump has nonetheless promised to expand the facility, calling it “a beautiful example of American innovation—swamps, cages, and jobs.”

Bonuses for Bastards

In an effort to staff up quickly, the administration is offering signing bonuses of up to $50,000 to former ICE agents willing to “rejoin the movement.”

For Barton, though, it’s not about the money. “I just want to wear the outfit,” he said. “The fact that I get to tackle migrants, disappear protesters, and maybe get on TV someday is just a bonus.”

When asked if he sees any moral issues with his line of work, Barton shrugged. “I mean, I’m just following orders. Isn’t that what they always say?”