Trump White House quietly locks down D.C., launches ‘safe and beautiful’ task force

WASHINGTON — In a rare show of self-restraint, U.S. President Donald Trump quietly placed the nation’s capital under lockdown just after midnight Monday. No press release. No briefing. Not even a caps-lock TruthSocial post, or Tweet/Xcrement about “LAW & ORDER” to mark the occasion.

Federal police—without the aid of local officers—began executing Executive Order #14252, a sweeping decree titled the Making the District of Columbia Safe and Beautiful Task Force. Chaired by the President’s Homeland Security Advisor and stacked with Interior, Transportation, Homeland Security, FBI, and ATF officials, the group has no D.C. government representation.

“I’m calling it now,” said Tad Crater, a onetime government conspiracy theorist turned guy who’s right at increasingly uncomfortable intervals. “Donald Trump has decided to go ahead and start locking down Washington D.C., and he’s getting rid of the unhoused and putting them up in internment camps, and he’s militarizing the district and rounding up all the criminals and ne’er do wells and locking them up under cover of night with the gestapo branch of ICE.”

Crater went on to say this will be the start of Trump turning the entirety of the D.C. mall and the Whitehouse into a castle to keep out the swarms of those who will be enraged at the end of his second term as president and refuse to stand down and transfer authority.

“Trump knows he’s ruined the Republican party, if you’re a Republican but not a “MAGA Republican,” said Crater. “You’re branded a RINO (Republican in Name Only). Except for the most devout cult worshiper, which I genuinely believe is the minority of Republicans, Trump’s grasp on the levelheaded centrists Republican voter is weakening. So, to get ready to not leave the White House, Trump is taking the steps he needs to ensure the walls of his fortress are manned by those who believe in his cause, and support his dictatorship, authoritarian Forth Reich.”

Others call people like Crater a fearmongering libtard. “People who think Trump won’t gracefully step aside and let J.D. Vance take over as President in 2028 are fuckin’ fuckheads,” said Lem Shirley, a part time dishwasher at D.C.’s Elephant and Castle tavern. “I voted for that man about a dozen times, would I vote for someone like that if he was a dictator?”

Editor’s note: ICE raided the tavern where Alpine 6 Action News reporter Crag Donovan was conducting the interview. Donovan, Shirley, and any staff member and customer who was suspected to have skin that contained melanin was arrested. In the interest of providing our readers with the most up-do-date information, Bartholomew Alexander Von Fredericks III has continued with the article.

It was just after midnight, as Sunday slipped into Monday that federal police, without the aid of local police, under a federal executive order were deployed in D.C. and started enacting the “Making the District of Columbia Safe and Beautiful” taskforce.

Summary of Executive Order #14252: “Making the District of Columbia Safe and Beautiful”

Issued March 28, 2025, this order creates the D.C. Safe and Beautiful Task Force, a federally controlled body with no D.C. government representation. It is chaired by the President’s Homeland Security Advisor and includes officials from Interior, Transportation, Homeland Security, the FBI, and ATF.

Key provisions:

• Immigration: Redirects resources to identify and deport undocumented immigrants, monitor D.C.’s sanctuary city status, and potentially impact legal residents and international students.
• Firearms: Expedites concealed carry licensing, increasing public access to guns without addressing existing gun violence issues.
• Law enforcement: Expands federal presence in high-traffic areas; directs officers to target misdemeanors such as public intoxication, fare evasion, and traffic violations.
• Pretrial detention: Overrides D.C.’s policy to allow maximum incarceration of people awaiting trial.
• Homelessness: Orders removal of all homeless encampments from federal land, overseen by the National Park Service.

Impacts:

• Expected to disproportionately affect D.C.’s Black community, which makes up over 40% of the city’s population and over 90% of its jail inmates.
• Likely to increase displacement of unhoused residents, the majority of whom are Black.
• Increases incarceration rates for those not yet convicted of crimes, with associated long-term health and social harms.

Response:
Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton condemned the order as anti–home rule and motivated by anti-immigrant bias, noting the absence of D.C. representation in decision-making.

“I think this is super great,” said Vice President J.D. Vance, as he just finished packing for his next taxpayer funded family vacation to the United Kingdom. “Now my family can take our up-armored limo ride to the airport without having to see any of those … undesirables being poor and shit all over the place.”

Vance says he hopes by the time he gets back from his 7^th family vacation in six months, the entirety of D.C. will be safe, clean, and absolutely no one protesting outside the White House.

In reality, this lockdown, the use of executive order that removes the checks and balances of the United States’ legal systems and process and should be alarming to anyone, from Republican voters, to the conspiracy theorist barricaded in their undisclosed bunker.

What is happening now is going to be the new norm if allowed. D.C. is a testing ground, it will continue with state capitals, major cities, and eventually it will lead to ICE agents goose-stepping information down each and every street.