LEGO announces new Epstein List set

BOSTON – The LEGO group announced it is launching a new collection of LEGO kits aimed at adult consumers called, The Forbidden Files Collection.

The first set to be released in this new collection is the highly anticipated Epstein List kit, which is a 286 piece kit that contains all the names of associates, business partners, and clients of disgraced financier and convicted sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, all neatly organized in a LEGO brick book you can build yourself.

“People have been begging to get their hands on the Epstein List for years and we’re so excited to announce that we’ve heard you and the Epstein List kit will soon be available,” said Tad Crater, a spokesman for the LEGO Group. “I have no doubt this kit will disappear faster than an underage girl at Mar-a-Lago, so make sure to follow LEGO on social media to get the latest news about the kit’s availability.”

Crater also said he expects the Epstein List kit to hit store shelves in time for the holiday season and, if President Trump knocks it off with all the tariffs, you can expect a price tag of right around $150.

“I seriously can’t wait to add The Epstein List to my collection,” said Sam Nerdington, who recently set the Guinness World Record for having the world’s largest private LEGO collection. “I think this is going to be a hotter holiday gift item than Tickle Me Elmo or Firby. I, for one, have already set aside a considerable amount of cash in preparation for bail money, should I find myself in a situation where I need to knock a bitch out if they get between me and that set.”

U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi said the new LEGO set was a distraction from all the things the Trump administration is doing to distract you from the Epstein List, which she also said doesn’t exist—but she’s still going to check Pete Hegseth’s phone to make sure he didn’t send it to LEGO in an unsecured Signal chat group.

Other sets to be included in The Forbidden Files collection include, The JFK Files, Area 51 Documents, and Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate.