Local cub scouts arrested for burning American flags in retirement ceremony

RICHMOND, Va. – Scouts from Pack 8647 were detained by police after being caught burning old, worn-out American flags while conducting a ceremonial retirement ceremony for the flags.

These children were arrested as part of President Trump’s crackdown on people’s First Amendment rights, specifically their right to burn the flag in protest.

“I don’t think the President realizes that burning the American flag has long been standard practice when retiring flags no longer fit for flying,” said Caleb Poindexter, flag code aficionado and Pack 8647’s scoutmaster. “If he really wants to crack down on people desecrating Old Glory, he should look at those people who’re printing his face on it or making clothing out of it. Those are the people who’re truly being disrespectful.”

Most Americans are concerned that the president’s latest executive order is just another attempt to pick away at people’s constitutional rights through the illusion of patriotism.

“Today they’re coming for our right to burn flags, tomorrow they’ll come for the entire First Amendment,” said Maj. Gen. (ret.) Daniel O’Malley, a retired JAG officer and current constitutional lawyer. “If you think you’re safe from this administration’s reach while they’re out here arresting children performing a dignified retirement of our worn-out flags, you’re delusional. So long as our lawmakers bend the rules to allow this tyrannical behavior, no one is safe.”

According to the Department of Defense (until it scrubs the information from its website), the proper way to dispose of the American flag has been a ceremonial burning since 1937. However, if Congress and the Supreme Court uphold Trump’s latest executive order, this time-honored tradition may soon find itself in the same boat as the American Dream and American democracy—a relic of our past ruined by Baby Boomers.

As for the children of Pack 8647, they’re currently being held without bond at FCI Petersburg Medium awaiting trial.