The Age of Embers – A Fiery Masterpiece of Conspiracies and Incompetence

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a Jason Statham marathon, pondering, “What if there were more Stathams, all named Jeff, and instead of fighting in a Fast & Furious car chase, they were just screaming at drones from their bunkers?” Well, lucky you! The Age of Embers book series has arrived to fulfill that niche dream you didn’t know you had—because no sane person ever would.

The five-part series, based on Ryan Schow’s literary magnum opus (because calling it a novel would be an insult to the written word), is the cinematic equivalent of watching a Fox News marathon on acid. The plot, which can only be described as “something happens, probably,” revolves around Jeff, Jeff II, Jeff III, other people who don’t matter, and the greatest threat of all, Artificial Intelligence. I know what you’re thinking—this sounds like a cross between Die Hard and a paranoid rant in the Facebook comments section. You’d be right, but it’s also somehow worse.

The Characters:

Our hero, or rather, all three of them, are indistinguishable lumps of rage, paranoia, and questionable moral stances. There’s Jeff #1, who has the emotional depth of a parking ticket and the subtle racism of an aging uncle at Thanksgiving. Jeff #2, a security guard tasked with keeping AI in check, but really just spends his screen time punching things, and Jeff #3, a triple-blackbelt hacker (yes, you read that right), who fights using a confusing cocktail of karate, jujitsu, and gun-fu because why not? The author was clearly out of ideas, and his concept of character depth seems to rely entirely on fighting prowess.

The only thing consistent about the characters is their commitment to hating immigrants and technology, which makes for awkward product placement moments when Jeff has to begrudgingly use a Keurig to fuel his anti-tech diatribe. “I hate these fancy gadgets,” he grumbles while sipping a Pumpkin Spice Latte from the world’s least-threatening robot.

The Plot (if we can call it that):

Let’s talk about the plot, or lack thereof. The first half is spent running from drones that are apparently programmed by AI to only target the United States—because why would a hyper-intelligent computer attack anywhere else? This is America! Then, an EMP takes down every electronic in the country (except, conveniently, the AI because, plot twist: the rules of electricity don’t apply to it).

At some point, Jeff (who cares which one) ends up trying to protect his family from waves of criminals, who are also, of course, immigrants. As the story progresses, the Jeffs’ dialogue devolves into a one-note loop about how they hate iPhones, immigrants, and newfangled inventions like plumbing (?). It’s truly the post-apocalyptic Americana fever dream—where everyone lives in a bunker but refuses to use a Nest Thermostat because that’s “just what the AI wants.”

Missed Opportunities:

There’s a chapter, a mere flicker, where the first book almost become interesting. A hint of an alien force providing the AI technology shows up, and for about 15 seconds you think, “Wow, this could go somewhere cool.” But then, as if the author forgot to include this in the rest of the series, it’s never mentioned again. It’s like dangling a steak in front of a starving person and then chucking it into the sun.

Conclusion:

Would I recommend reading The Age of Embers? Absolutely. But only under the condition that you drink something very strong and/or embrace the nihilism that follows the realization this is somehow five books long. If nothing else, it will make you appreciate the simpler things in life—like indoor plumbing, smartphones, and books that don’t feel like a fever dream written by an AI programmed to stoke irrational fears.

Bottom line: If you’re looking for a book series that feel like an extended Facebook rant brought to life, The Age of Embers is for you. Just make sure to book your lobotomy in advance. You’ll need it.

*Please be advised, the previous review contains spoilers and affiliate links*