White House celebrates Black History Month by reminding y’all there’s white Africans, too

WASHINGTON D.C. – Karoline Leavitt, the White House press secretary, announced during a recent press briefing that President Trump will be signing an executive order mandating that the only approved federal government celebration for Black History Month will focus on the efforts and contributions of white African Americans.

She also said this is part of the government’s push to remove all diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives because it “divides our nation on the basis of sex, gender, and skin color.”

“Historically, the woke liberal agenda has excluded any celebration of white people during their extremely racist month of Black History,” said Leavitt. “The liberals don’t want you to remember that there are white people from Africa, too. They’ll stop at nothing to squash white history, and President Trump aims to stop that once and for all.”

According to a source close to the situation, the executive order will mandate all federal employees attend a virtual heritage month event hosted by Elon Musk, who’ll discuss how white European colonists were responsible for taming the barbaric tribes of the African interior, setting them up for their eventual migration to America where they’ve enjoyed freedom and prosperity since the early 1600s.

“People always assume Africans are black, but that simply isn’t true,” said Musk. “There is a long history of white people in Africa that no one ever talks about. It’s a really important part of our world’s history, too. And it’s a real shame the woke left won’t allow our children to know the truth, to know how amazing and better the white race is.”

Critics of the White House’s decision to whitewash Black History Month argue that this is just another attempt by the administration to rewrite history to fit a racist narrative.

“Everyone knows there are white people in Africa, but guess what? They weren’t shipped to America to be slaves; they don’t have to be afraid of systemic racism in our criminal justice system; and they’ve never had to be afraid of being ripped away from their families and deported to a country that isn’t their home,” said Sandra O’Connell, a human rights activist. “DEI is meant to help people in these marginalized communities rise above the generational hurdles placed in front of them. Is it a perfect system? No. But taking it all away and just pretending these injustices never existed is how we came to need DEI in the first place.”

O’Connell isn’t the only one speaking out against the president’s plan. Actress Charlize Theron (Monster, Atomic Blonde), who was born in Benoni, South Africa, said the government is completely missing the point of Black History Month.

“Do I really have to explain the importance of Black History Month to a 78-year-old man,” asked Theron. “He lived through Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr., and Ruby Bridges. He should know better. Then again, maybe he does and is just a racist piece of shit.”

In response to all the criticism, Donald Trump said he was going to dump all the money the government is saving from axing every DEI program into a new Thought Police division of the FBI to arrest and deport anyone who even about disagreeing with him.

And, because the current chief of the executive branch can’t take an ounce of criticism without jumping on Truth Social to spread lies and bask in the glow of praise from his devout cult following, he also went on a late night rant about how he was going to rename Black History Month to White History Month because “Black people have had it to [sic] easy for to [sic] long and always at the expense of humanity’s superior race. I love black people, but they’ve gone too far. It’s UNFAIR!!!”

Meanwhile, non-racist people and companies have begun celebrating Black History Month with various events to celebrate the contributions of black Americans to our nation because studies show business with strong DEI practices have improved employee satisfaction and create higher profit margins than those that don’t.