The Recording Academy arrested on DEI charges after ‘Cowboy Carter’ win

LOS ANGELES – Members of the Recording Academy were arrested during a string of late-night raids on Grammy afterparties on suspicion of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion violations after the organization voted to award Beyoncé the “Best Country Album” award for her record, Cowboy Carter.

She is the first black woman to win this award.

“Everyone knows country music is white people music,” said Agent Frank Williams, an FBI spokesman and outspoken racist. “Now, I know what y’all are thinking, what about Darius Rucker? Well, he got his two Grammys when he was a member of Hootie and the Blowfish. Those don’t count ’cause that was rock music, and the band was mostly white.”

Critics say the arrests were politically motivated and violate the constitutional rights of those who were detained.

“This administration says it’s disbanding DEI programs around the country because they want a system where people are awarded based on merit,” said Damien Lewis, a spokesman for the lawyers representing the Recording Academy. “I agree that we should give awards based on merit, but guess what? Beyoncé received this award, not for the color of her skin, but because her peers voted for her. That’s democracy in action, meritocracy in action. To say she was awarded this because of the color of her skin is simply racist.”

Not everyone is convinced of Lewis’ claims, however. A small group of diehard Taylor Swift fans were quick to point out that the pop princess didn’t receive any grammy awards this year, despite being nominated for six awards this year, including Album of the Year, Song of the Year, and Record of the Year.

“Look, I’m not trying to be political, but don’t you think it’s a little weird that Tay-Tay didn’t win any awards this year despite having a record-breaking year with her Era’s Tour?” asked Amy Diaz, 12. “I like Beyoncé, but I’m sorry, The Tortured Poets Department is so much better than Cowboy Carter. I just think they didn’t want another incident with Kanye West.”

And, while most people can appreciate the notion of allowing the Kanye-Taylor drama to drift off into history and never be spoken about again, Ye was stirring up enough drama on his own after having his wife Bianca Censori wear what basically equated to nothing on the red carpet.

“Bianca looked absolutely incredible on the red carpet, if terrified, embarrassed, and absolutely indecent is what you’d call incredible,” said Sadge Epstein, a fashion and pop culture blogger. “I don’t feel confident that outfit was something she chose, and I feel really sorry for her.”

Anyways, the members of the Recording Academy who were arrested are expected to be shipped to Guantanamo Bay as part of the first group of undocumented criminals to be housed at the Naval Base and infamous prison for terrorists. It’s not expected they’ll get a trial and will remain in detention until they can be properly deported. All of them are legal citizens of the United States.