Military announces new “Combat Sweeper Badge” for troops deployed to hostile sanitation zones

WASHINGTON – Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced the creation of a new badge for military members who actively engage in beautification activities while serving in areas that the government deems as “hostile sanitation zones.”

According to Hegseth, the new badge, which will be authorized in the Group 1 category alongside other combat badges such as the Combat Infantryman Badge, Combat Medical Badge, and Combat Action Badge, was created to recognize service members who’re “engaging in efforts to Make America Beautiful Again while under constant threat of extreme left-wing ideology and undocumented terrorists.”

“When I first took office, I promised to reorganize the Pentagon’s priority to focus on the warfighter,” said Hegseth. “And nothing epitomizes the warfighter spirit like a good old fashioned G.I. Party. These men and women are facing insurmountable dangers here on the home front similar to what we saw in Iraq and Afghanistan. They may not be getting blown up from IEDs, but they are facing something far more dangerous, lunatic leftists who’ll stop at nothing to prevent President Trump from fulfilling his God-given mission to Make America Great Again.”

While Hegseth has been heralded among the highest echelon of MAGA for his Warrior-first mentality—a mindset that literally every SecDef before him has embodied (probably better, too)—many veterans, service members, and civilians believe this new badge is actually a slap in the face to real combat veterans and the men and women of our armed forces who paid the ultimate sacrifice.

“This new badge has got to be some kind of sick parody, right?” asked Master Sgt. (ret.) Ashley Moore, a decorated veteran who spend multiple combat deployments in the Middle East, including Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, and the Horn of Africa. “I have respect for all my fellow veterans and their unique path of service, but how can you seriously consider a medal for cleaning up trash in American cities in the same category as the CIF, CAB, and CMB? That’s straight up disrespectful.”

According to an internal memo acquired by Alpine 6 Action News, the CSB will be awarded to military members from any branch of service so long as they meet the following requirements:

• The Service member must be deployed to a hostile sanitation zone for a minimum of 30 days.
• The service member must be personally present and under hostile conditions while performing satisfactorily in accordance with the prescribed rules of beautification; any actions taken as a result of negative or adverse counseling will not be considered.
• The soldier must be performing their assigned duties associated with the unit’s cleanliness mission while on Title 10 or Title 32 active-duty orders.

In order for an area to be considered a hostile sanitation zone, the following criteria must be met:

• A city, state, or territory currently under Democratic leadership.
• A city, state, or territory that has an ethnic minority population greater than 15%.
• A city, state, or territory that has one or more recorded violent crimes committed by someone of undocumented or unknown legal status.

Critics of President Trump’s push to send federal military troops into Democratically held cities say it isn’t about making the U.S. safer, it’s about leveraging control over the cities and states that are standing up against his policies that are pushing the country toward an authoritarian state.

“Everyone knows cities have more crime than rural areas because there’s more people living there, that’s just simple math and common sense,” said Dan Franklin, a true crime podcast host. “But when you’re looking at states as a whole, the Red southern states are really where the Federal Government should be focusing its efforts, if this is truly about making the U.S. a safer country to live.”

According to Forbes, the top 10 most dangerous states for most violent crimes and property crimes are New Mexico, Arkansas, Louisiana, Colorado, California, Tennessee, Missouri, South Carolina, Nevada, and Alaska. This top 10 shows that serious violent crime isn’t contained to a state that leans one way or the other, politically. But with President Trump unironically posting Vietnam War inspired memes to announce his plans to unleash his newly minted Department of War on the city of Chicago—Illinois ranks 33rd on the list of safest states—it doesn’t appear he’s taking a clear look at where resources and taxpayer dollars could be best spent.

Moreover, with photos and videos highlighting National Guard members deployed to Washington D.C. spending their entire shifts focused on picking up trash, rather than assisting law enforcement and the citizens of the capital, many people are questioning whether or not this whole dog and pony show is worth it for the American people.

“It’s estimated that the U.S. government is spending more than $1 million a day in taxpayer dollars to have the National Guard on orders and deployed to the nation’s capital,” said Tad Crater, chief economist for Trash Truck Enthusiast Magazine. “Imagine how many sanitation jobs you could create with that much money? Plus, you’d get the added benefit of not having the negative image of armed soldiers patrolling our streets.”

“President Trump campaigned on the promise to lower the cost of living and cut federal spending,” continued Crater. “But in the last nine months his tariffs have jacked up prices and his little pet projects like this are wasting millions, if not billions, of taxpayer dollars. If I were a Trump supporter, I’d be pissed off about this.”

Normally, the creation of a new military medal takes an act of congress to get approved. However, if the past several months has taught us anything, the current administration doesn’t pay too close attention to the rules in issues like these. Although nothing official has been put out by the White House, our sources with intimate knowledge to the situation believe President Trump is expected to sign an executive order establishing the creation of the CSB later this week.