Study shows more billionaire bromances end in breakup than any other socio-economic group

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump and fellow-billionaire Elon Musk have reportedly broken up, according to TMZ.

While this billionaire bromance breakup caught many of the couple’s adult MAGA children off guard, a new study has discovered that billionaire bromances are far more likely to break apart than those of other socio-economic groups.

“It’s actually quite a fascinating study into the male mind,” said Dr. Philip Moore, a clinical psychologist who has been working with billionaire bromance partners for the past 30 years. “Most men in a lower- and working-class bromances will typically just call their partner a ‘bitch’ or an ‘asshole’, wrestle with them a bit, then go right back to being best friends. We don’t see that in billionaire bromances because, well, a billionaire’s only true love is money. They don’t know how to truly love a bro for what he is: a bro.”

The rift between Trump and Musk appears to have started when the president and Congress introduced his Big, Beautiful, Bill, a piece of legislation that would strip away healthcare for millions of Americans in order to subsidize tax cuts for the country’s wealthiest citizens—but also terminate some tax benefits, like those on purchasing EV cars, that would help the world’s wealthiest man become richer.

“He used to call me beautiful, too,” said Musk, sitting alone, eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey in a static display of a SpaceX Dragon capsule. “But ever since that stupid bill showed up, he doesn’t call, he doesn’t text, and he doesn’t respond to all the funny memes I send him.”

News about the bromance breakup heated up on social media after the two grown men, who’ve got the maturity of pre-teen girls, sparred with each other on social media. Trump said Elon was “crazy”. Elon called Trump a pedophile. And then they both cried about the whole thing.

“Elon’s obsessed with the letter ‘X’ because that’s what he is to anyone who ever loved him,” Trump tweeted. ‘Ex-husband, ex-father, ex-best friend, and ex-lover. God, I miss him so much. I miss his scent. I miss his touch. I think I’m going to raise tariffs in the UK to feel better.”

Leaders and tech bros around the world have called this fallout the worst celebrity breakup since Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. Meanwhile, political analysts aren’t laughing. Many are warning that if these two don’t jab each other in the shoulder, call each other a “cock sucking homo”, and make up soon, the entire GOP could collapse.

“Elon has already said he will spend a fortune on politicians looking to unseat Conservative lawmakers up for reelection in the midterm if Trump doesn’t kick that hussy bill to the curb,” said Dan Waterford, a leading member of a conservative think tank. “Meanwhile, Steve Bannon has been in the president’s ear, begging him to deport Elon. If he takes his companies with him, that could be disastrous for our economy. Either way, it looks like the only silver lining is the killer memes that’re about to drop.”

This is a developing story.