Count Binface and Vermin Supreme announce 2028 bid to rule the world

LONDON – In a surprising announcement that’s certain to shake the global political spectrum, Count Binface, the intergalactic space icon, and Vermin Supreme, New Hampshire’s most popular Libertarian candidate, have announced that they’re putting their trashcan and boot helmets into the ring for Supreme World Leader in 2028.

Despite being known as “novelty candidates” in their respective political races, they’ve actually received a massive boost in popularity thanks to just how fucked up the world is right now.

“I remember watching election coverage back in 2016 with this dude wearing a boot on his head and thought, ‘how stupid’,” said Daniel Henderson, a New Hampshire voter. “But looking back on it, I think we really fucked up.”

Count Binface has surfaced in recent weeks as a surprising frontrunner against in the race for British Parliament against Reform Party leader Nigel Farage, who is seeking reelection to Parliament after resigning from Parliament after being placed under investigation by the government’s standards commission over an alleged £5m gift he received, but failed to declare.

Under normal circumstances, Farage’s alleged corruption would be nothing to bat an eye at as the average voter has come to expect a certain level of depravity from elected officials. However, as the socio-economic gap between the world’s wealthiest citizens and the people in power grows at an exponential rate against its poorest, people around the globe are beginning to grow tired of this government endorsed sodomization.

“There was once a time when people would look at their elected officials’ illegal behavior and shrug it off as ‘politicians being politicians’,” said Tad Crater, a political science fellow at the Institute for a less fucked lower class. “But now, the cost of living is too expensive, and our elected officials are more concerned about making sure a certain list of people associated with a known sex offender is swept under the rug than if the average family can afford to put food on the table. So, it’s really no surprise that the average voter is looking for a candidate that doesn’t fit the status quo.”

Count Binface has said he’s running on the promise to not raise your taxes (but will tax everyone else’s) and that he will build at least one affordable housing unit. These are campaign promises that most average British people can get behind because they’re tangible and, more importantly, seemingly achievable.

This isn’t the first time Binface has run for office, however. He’s run a total of five times in the past and garnered a total of 117,723 votes total … which makes his runoff with Farage a steep, uphill battle despite the overwhelming growth of support. If he can upset the incumbent, it would certainly be a massive steppingstone in the right direction to stretch goal of world power, but to help him in his campaign to win over the world’s population in 2028, he’s going to need more than cheeky campaign promises and a polished dome.

This is where a Vermin Supreme alliance could seal the deal.

Supreme’s first attempt at reaching political office came in 1987 when he ran to be Mayor of Baltimore. He then campaigned to be President of the United States in every election between 2004 and 2024. Although he failed to ascend to any elected office, his campaign promises, such as free ponies for everyone and the gradual dismantling of formalized government, appear to be in line with Binface’s unorthodox promise to shake up the status quo.

As of right now, the Binface/Supreme ticket is unchallenged in the World Supreme Leader race—mostly because it doesn’t actually exist—but our political analysts at Alpine 6 Action News don’t foresee anyone being able to match the tenacity of these two men when it comes to watching the world burn in the most unapologetically funny way possible.