Marine Corps muscle mommy tests for higher T-levels than Pentagon boss

WASHINGTON – Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced the military was going to start screening male service members’ testosterone levels. Then the Pentagon rescinded that decision.

Now we know why.

According to an internal Department of Defense memo, the abrupt decision to reverse course came after one beefy Marine Corps Muscle Mommy was accidently tested for testosterone and her levels were significantly higher than a certain former Fox News host.

“Lance Corporal Stephanie Muniz was supposed to have her blood drawn for a routine HIV test as part of her annual periodic health assessment,” said Maj. Janet Smith, a Naval Medical officer. “One of our corpsmen accidently labeled it for a testosterone analysis.”

Although testosterone is typically associated with male hormones, women do naturally create about 15 to 70 nanograms per deciliter, compared to 300 to 1,000 in men. Muniz tested for approximately 50 ng/dl.

In a statement provided to Fox News, “the Pentagon is removing the current guidance on testosterone testing to ensure there’s an appropriate amount of time to implement the testing procedures across the force. Under the new proposed timeline, the Secretary of War will prevail in making sure American warfighters are manly enough to win our President’s vanity wars.”

The initial decision to test service members testosterone levels was met with both praise and criticism.

On one side, low-testosterone is a problem that plagues many men over the age of 30 and can result in low sex drive, tiredness, and changes in muscle and body fat. Testing for low-T may also help identifty additional underlying medical conditions.

On the other side, however, many medical doctors have warned that broad testing could lead to unnecessary and potentially harmful treatment, and that there is little to no evidence that testosterone testing would actually improve military readiness.

At this time, the Pentagon has not released a timetable for its revised testing guidance.

And, in unrelated (probably) news, a very large shipment of anabolic steroids was recently delivered to the military headquarters.