“I don’t even like peaches!” Hegseth berates staffer after Massie’s surprise announcement

WASHINGTON – Shortly after news broke about Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) introduced articles of impeachment against Secretary of Defense Peter Brian Hegseth, the former Fox News host was heard screaming at a staffer that he “doesn’t even like peaches”.

This led to one senior staffer pulling Hegseth aside to explain that impeachment has nothing to do with pitted fruit, and is just a fancy term for Congress putting him on trial for crimes they believe he may have committed during his tenure as secretary of defense thus far.

“Well, that’s even worse,” shouted Hegseth. “What kinds of crimes do they think I’ve done? In my entire time here, I’ve only barred transgender people from serving, done my best to make sure soldiers aren’t fat, and started a war with Iran, but to be fair, that was only because Israel told me to do it. What’s wrong with that?”

Specifically, Massie introduced eight articles of impeachment against Hegseth. In those, the Kentucky representative claims the secretary violated the 1973 War Powers Resolution act, which is one of the government’s many checks against presidential overreach by preventing the executive branch from entering armed conflict without the consent of the legislative branch.

According to the War Powers Resolution, the president’s administration must notify Congress of its intent to conduct military action within 48 hours of deploying troops into hostile environments. These military actions, which are not approved by Congress, may only last 60 days, with an additional 30 days for a safe and strategic drawdown.

The conflict with Iran began in February which, when using your standard Gregorian calendar, is well outside the 60- and 90-day window of approval for military action without a declaration of war or other authorization from Congress. Hegseth and cohort of truth contortionists have argued they didn’t violate the War Powers Act because of a classic shell game made popular by terrorist organizations around the globe called, “if we change the name, it’s obviously not the same thing, dummy.”

The conflict with Iran began as Operation Epic Fury, or OEF; not to be confused with Operation Enduring Freedom, also called OEF, or the internet’s play on the acronym, Operation Epstein Files, which accuses this entire operation to be a wag-the-dog moment to distract us from the fact Trump’s justice department still hasn’t released the entire Epstein file despite being legally obligated to by the Epstein Files Transparency Act, passed in April 2026, which required the documents be released my May of 2026.

Coincidentally, according to Hegseth and the Pentagon, Operation Epic Fury ended in May, meaning the President’s special military operation in Iran concluded within the 60 days as prescribed by the War Powers Resolution. However, after a brief ceasefire, military action resumed with a blockade of the Strait of Hormuz, sinking of military and commercial vessels, and the Iranian regime and its military was completely destroyed (again).

So, the legal question remains: if the same troops are engaged in hostile action with the same enemy, is it the same war? According to Hegseth, no, because they changed the name of the operation so it’s obviously not the same thing, dummy.

Massie and many other members of Congress disagree.

In addition to the alleged misconduct with the War Powers Resolution, Massie also accused Hegseth of ignoring laws to minimize civilian casualties in Iran, which was totally unexpected given the fact he gutted the Civilian Protection Center of Excellence, a unit created in 2023 to find ways to limit civilian deaths in battle. In the war’s early days, the United States launched Tomahawk missiles against a girls’ school, resulting in the deaths of hundreds of young girls.

“You can’t blame me for that one,” said Hegseth. “The AI model we were using for targeting said it was still a legitimate military target.”

Additional articles of impeachment include Hegseth’s attempt to demote former Navy captain and Senator Mark Kelley for a video he was featured in that reminded service members of their right to refuse illegal orders; his strikes against alleged narcoterrorist boats in the Caribbean; kidnapping a sovereign foreign leader during the Nicolas Maduro raid in Venezuela; and strikes against Houthi militants in Yemen

According to the House of Representative rules, the articles of impeachment must be voted on in the next 48 hours. If the House passes them, the Senate will officially put Hegseth on trial for the crimes of which he is accused. If he’s found guilty, he will be removed from his position as the head of the Pentagon.

Now, it’s important to note, an impeachment is not a criminal trial. If found guilty, Hegseth will not be found criminally liable for his actions, but he will be removed from office. This does not mean he cannot be found criminally guilty for the same crimes in a court of law.

What will happen? Grab your peaches, sit back, and stay tuned.

This is a developing story.