Furry Airline Pilots of America condone Tuberville’s Senate remarks

WASHINGTON – The Furry Airline Pilots of America, better known as FAP America, has released a statement following remarks made by Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) on the Senate floor Tuesday, claiming that the airline industry has been overrun with people from the Furry community.

“Many airline pilots, flight attendants, and Air traffic controllers, are part of the Furry community,” said Tuberville. “Lord help us. It’s terrifying when you think about this. When you walk onto a commercial flight, it’s possible that the pilot flying your plane could have a deranged fetish of dressing up like an animal. You can’t make this up. It is the best interest of our country to bring back mental institutions as a normal part of our society, instead of sweeping it under the rug.”

FAP America’s statement condones the senators remaks, blasting them as “the ramblings of an out of touch boomer who also probably believes the downturn of this country began with the desegregation of water fountains.”

“Does the airline community have a large Furry community population? Yes,” said Paris Hamilton, a flight attendant for Delta and president of FAP America. “But that’s not uncommon. Furries control most of the U.S. government. You should see the yiff parties down at the FBI. Those boys know how to fuck a dog, let me tell you.”

During the Senate hearing, Tuberville continued his tirade against furries by claiming Tyler Robinson, the man on trial for allegedly killing conservative master debater Charlie Kirk, was also a Furry.

But why does Tuberville have such a hard on against the Furries? Hamilton believes the Alabamian is suffering from what zoologists call parental abandonment in the animal kingdom.

“We often see animals in nature abandon their young or injured if it means the pack can survive,” said Hamilton. “It’s very similar in the Furry community. If a member of a pack is behaving oddly or not following the rules outlined by the packs alpha, they’re often removed from the group chat and that can often lead to resentment. I see a lot of these qualities in Tuberville.”

Alpine 6 Action News spoke with a Furry pack from Auburn University, where Tuberville was once the head football coach, that claimed the Senator was briefly a member of its community before being kicked out.

“You wouldn’t think a football coach would associate with a pack of Furries,” said a man who is dressed, and identified as, a pink bulldog named Tammy. “But believe it or not, a lot of jocks are secretly trying to join our pack. It’s probably because our yiff parties are legendary. Better than anything the football team hosts, that’s for sure.”

A yiff party is a gathering within the furry fandom that combines social interaction, role-play, and often sexual activity involving men and women dressed up as animals.

Tammy went on to say Tuberville came to one yiff party dressed in a cheap Spirit Halloween dog mask and refused to sniff anyone’s butt.

“Like, seriously bro. You can’t show up to a yiff and not sniff,” said Tammy. “Worst dog, ever. I think he just wanted to bang the freshmen.”

Tuberville did not respond to our request for an interview.