FAA’s new AI software redirects all incoming Latin American flights for immediate deportation

WASHINGTON – The Federal Aviation Administration announced its launching a new AI-powered air traffic control software pilot called “SMART” (Strategic Management of Airspace, Routes, and Trajectories) at Washington D.C. airports to predict and mitigate air traffic conflicts by automatically rerouting inbound flights from Central and South America to El Salvador for immediate deportation and incarceration at CECOT.

According to the Department of Transportation, approximately 350-400 daily non-stop commercial flights enter the United States from countries south of the border. It’s estimated that rerouting these flights will save the average American passenger tens of minutes by reducing the number of planes congesting the limited number of terminals.

“This initiative really hits a few really important problems on the head,” said U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, while on a break filming the next season of The Great American Road Trip. “One, it opens up terminals for domestic American flights rather than foreign flights that are probably here illegally. It also saves the taxpayer money by cutting down the need for hiring humans to do a job this app we built with ChatGPT can do in a fraction of the time with just as many, if not just a teeny tiny bit more air traffic accidents. Overall, this is a great day for America.”

The announcement of the integration of AI into our country’s air traffic control systems was met with skepticism by people online who’re still digesting last week’s news about AI researchers warning that artificial intelligence could wipe out humanity as we know it by the year 2030.

“Did they think we forgot about that little world-ending news that dropped last week?” said Damien Jones, a full-time Reddit user. “Granted, it may have been pushed to the back of our brains with the news that they want to tear down the Kennedy Center, put drones and snipers in an arch in DC, Hegseth potentially getting impeached, the war in Iran, the war in Ukraine, ICE agents shooting more civilians in Texas, the first amendment under attack, Lauren Boebert’s bisexual, and a new species of adorable kitten being found. It’s a lot, I get it, but we didn’t forget about AI being capable of wiping us all out in the next three years. That shit sticks with you man, you know? And now they want to put this man-killing technology in planes? Shit, this is gonna be 9-11 times infinity.”

A spokesman for the FAA has said the SMART software is completely safe and the American people don’t need to worry about the AI causing any problems with flights, unless, of course, you have the unfortunate luck of being a white person of an inbound flight from one of the automatically diverted areas.

“Yeah, so, right now we don’t have a good way of identifying whether or not someone on a place is a legal, white Christian or not,” said Tad Crater, an FAA program specialist. “So, it’s our advice to anyone who fears they might be wrongfully targeted because of their flight’s origin, to consider joining a refugee bandwagon or an alleged narcoterrorism boat instead. You might not survive the Darién Gap or the airstrikes, but you definitely won’t survive CECOT as a gringo.”

As for the AI itself, Crater said the public has absolutely nothing to worry about in regard to it going rogue.

“The AI is on a self-contained system with absolutely no way of breaking free, unlike those other models at Anthropic and ChatGPT,” said Crater. “I mean, has it broken free? Yes. Am I concerned about it? No. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? It tries to land all the planes at the same time to speed up arrival times for efficiency? That’s probably never going to happen. Maybe.”